Family Worship Evening

I love music.

I love singing.

I love worshiping God.

I love being with my family. 

I love community and fellowship.

I love seeing children worship.

I love the word of God.

I love spontaneous.

I love interactive.

I love friendship.

 

Yesterday evening we were together with friends for a family worship evening at our church.  For this "event" everyone was encourages to bring an instrument and play. There is no practiced worship band or preselected songs. It is children and adults playing instruments, sometimes off beat and everyone singing along to the guitars melody as best they can. It was fantastic to worship our Lord and Savior in a setting like this. I hope we can do it again.

 

I Failed

But that is ok because I have excuses, even some valid excuses... I'm ok with that.
1. The time I was sacrificing to blog was a lot on some days. I sat and thought and thought in order to blog and Ben and I didn't spend the time together that we needed to communicate properly. FYI no communication causes dysfunction.
2. I hurt my ankle - You'd think this would give me time to blog more while I sit with my leg up - well I found that everything took me longer to do and I didn't have as much time to sit at the computer..... pretty lame excuse.
3. I had a deadline with work I was trying to meet that turned out to be in a month but I was working hard to meet it this week.... I am way ahead for a change, but once again the time I would have been blogging I was working.
4. I didn't like being forced to blog everyday (even if it was me forcing myself) and I felt you deserved more than boring nothingness that was coming out .... :S - of course I know this wasn't supposed to be about me or you but about God and me and vulnerability and you and God and the work of the Spirit, The trouble is with pressure every day and short on time I couldn't be effective to that end( at least it seemed that way).

So it came down to priorities, time, quality and desire.

I want to keep the open and honest, transparent element going by modifying the lent commitment to blogging several times a week.

Thanks for reading.

Communicating

I will not be getting any prizes for being good at communicating, just ask Ben..... or the kids.
Communication = conversation, talking, meaningful silents, sharing time together, eye contact, waiting, listening, pondering, considering, responding, engaged in the conversation, asking questions, answering questions, tone of voice, body language and facial expressions, and I am sure it includes even more than that. The piece that I am the worst at is listening and engaging.
Each time I realize I totally failed again I make a concerted effort to do better next time. The only thing is time after time I can't really see how I have changed.. blah
I think I am just too self centered.

From Processing to Planting

Some random stuff.
1. Saturday I was at a church leadership retreat all day. It was a good day of processing and planning for our church leadership - my take away - I'm going to communicate community outreach opportunities better with my church.
2. My ankle is not sprained but strained. This seems to be confirmed by a few things, my sister who works with first aid told me, some other runners have shared stories about strained muscles and it appears to be getting better with ice, wrapping and rest.
3. My sister and I have been talking everyday on skype for the past week or so and this is amazing. Let me tell you why this is so amazing - we have spent most of the last 16 years living apart and talking on the phone maybe 2 or 3 times a year. I left home when I was 19 and she was just 11 then. In reality I think we hardly know each other but that is all changing. Yeah to my sister and I hanging out on facebook skype.
4. The picture at the top of my blog is an entrance to an ants world. I saw this on a path in Africa and found it so fascinating how an ant could make a design like that. God makes interesting creatures.
5. I've got the spring fever - I have soil in my trays and tomorrow I will be planting and ordering seeds.

Cedar Lane Farm

Cedar Lane Farm

When I got out of my van at the farm Terri didn't ask me if I wanted to meet all the animals on the farm, he assumed that I would. And I did. We walked into the barn and met each cow by name, breed and brief and interesting life story. Each one named after dutch royalty - Leontien(leentje), Beatrix and Wilhelmina(Willy). I met the piglets that were resting in a pile of sacks. I met the heard of black sheep and Prudence the big Berkshire sow. I also met Timmy the near 1000lb Tamworth Boar sitting in his hole which I think he thinks is his throne. I heard about their family and farms journey from New Brunswick to Manitoba last year. I learned about what the animals eat and the importance of how the animals are treated; in life and slaughter. It was evident that a good relationship between human and animal is important at Cedar lane. I loved it. I love the simplicity and organic nature of it. I love how this farm offers a creation friendly approach to gathering food for my family. If my life had gone the way of the farm I can picture it just like Cedar Lane. When I asked if I can bring my kids next time he said "We prefer that." I'll be sure to take them the next time I go shopping on the farm.

A powerful word by Gungor

 

This is fantastic. Listen and be blessed.

 

On a personal note - I think I may have sprained my ankle today while running. Please pray that is heals quickly as I really dislike sitting around.

At the feet of Jesus

This morning at bible study I had a wonderful time discussing with my friends the need we have to be at the feet of Jesus. This metaphor is about realizing how much we need Jesus in our day, taking time to learn from the Bible and talking to Jesus about...anything and everything. The idea of being at the feet of Jesus is like Ruth being at the feet of Boaz her kinsman redeemer.(Ruth 3) At the feet of Boaz she brings nothing and lays down her reputation and her pride and finds herself at the mercy of her redeemer. We go to Jesus our redeemer with nothing to offer but our surrender and he looks on us kindly. Just like Ruth was given grain in great measure at the feet of Jesus we are filled up and given even more than we need so we can overflow His love into others. Listen to this song and ponder where you are at today.

 

The Spinning Music Girl

Yesterday I felt like giving up this whole blogging for 40 days thing... but today I feel a little better, so I think I will keep on going, or maybe I am just too stubborn to give up. Though after re-reading my silliness yesterday I am not sure I will have many readers left but that's ok it seems if you're not up for the good, the bad and silly this isn't the blog for you anyway.

I had a dream last night that I was a teenager again in my parents house and I was having an argument with my mom. A gift she had given me broke( no details on how it happened it was just broken) I was ok with it though. The broken item was a spinning music girl holding a bouquet of flowers,; according to my dream I had been given the girl when I was 4(in real I was older). The reason I was ok with it was because I still liked it even though it was broken. I wanted to keep it. The argument started when my mom took it in her hands and was insistent that she would fix it and give it a new look. She would make it pretty again but it was going to look different. I didn't want it to look different I was fine with it looking the way it was, broken and all. A lot of teenage yelling and fit throwing occurred in my mind...then just like that it was over and I was into another world.

What does it mean?....

In my opinion 90% of the time dreams are pointless, they are just a combination of random thoughts, fears, memories and media jumbled together.
But some percentage could be my unacknowledged feelings?
And then on occasion they contain direct messages from God.

.. but that said regardless of which percentage point this dream falls under, I like to look at most things in life as an opportunity to learn something even if it wasn't intended as a lesson.

Question rephrased...

What could this dream mean?

-Listen to people and don't try to fix them.
-A broken thing can still be beautiful.
-Arguing with a teenager is futile and short lived.
-Place the spinning music girl in a safe place so it doesn't crack in half

What do you think?

Very strange and Pointless...

... actually could be considered a waste of your time.

>What do you write about when you feel you have nothing to say?.... and feeling odd.
---- I sit here and look around and investigate what is around me.
>I know I have something to say, I am sure I have something to say because I always do....
----What do I see around me? Thread. I see thread everywhere, curtains, sheets, clothing, bed.....
>I'd hate to waste your time by writing something pathetic, so I want to try but I make no promises.
----I am sitting on my bed which is elegantly shrouded in a white curtain and there are threads that keep it together. I examine them. The stitches are even and straight.
>To be a good writer I have to take the time to write and choose the right time of day to write; when my brain is in it's creative mode.
---- There are 2 loose threads that are coming out of my tank top. I think I will pull them out because I am too lazy to get the proper tool.
>Now is not the creative time, it is the weird and odd time.... 11:00pm; Ben is trying to sleep beside me.
----- Since there are two threads together they are hard to tear out. Threads are strong and vigorous.
>I am too tired to share interesting words and feeling too silly to tell thought provoking stories.
-----I did it, I have them in my hand now to examine. Threads make me think about how life and people are connected. I love to play with threads between my fingers.
>That's it folks my time is up. and this is going no where...

How to Have Joy

1. Be thankful  - When we are thankful we complain less. Cha-ching, joy!
2. Be like a child - Forget about being an adult for a while and see what the world is like from a child's perspective. Children are joy.
3. Look up - When you walk along the way don't just watch your feet move along the pavement look up and around and into peoples windows. Something joyful will catch your eye.
4. Sing it - Instead of talking sing it in an opera voice, see how long you can go like that.
5. Remember God - Our deepest joy comes from God, Jesus is the reason to have joy even on the toughest days. Ask him to remind you of the joy you possess.
6. Give it away - The way to be happy is to make someone happy and that's a little heaven on earth right there.
7. Pause to watch - Stop somewhere random and watch the people go by, invent their stories and make it interesting. You might get a giggle.
8. Exercise - After you're done it feels so amazing. Relief has common ground with joy.
9. Listen - Listen for the sounds of creation, water, trees rustling, birds, breathing....
10. Do something hard - There is something God is asking of you but it's hard; maybe it's pray with someone, be honest about your struggles, tell someone about the work of God, forgive ..... surrender to his call.

Returning to Peter's Story

I have so much to learn when it comes to caring for hurting people.
Our church is focusing on a series about walking with hurting people(I expect to learn a lot). Ben encouraged our church facebook followers to read Peter Wolfe's story this weekend, if they had never done so. In 2009 I asked Peter if he'd write for Cindy Street. He tells his story of walking through his wife's death to cancer. Follow these links to read Peter's story.
intro
Peter begins
part 2
part 3
part 4
part 5
part 6

Oh and Peter I know you'll read this so I want you to know the traffic went through the roof yesterday as people started returning to read your posts. Thanks again for your openness, it will be a resource for many more people now.

Keeping a Promise

This is a hard one to publish.
 I new I would tell you this story eventually but I have been delaying because I had to complete the circle of repairing my mistake. I know logically it should feel good to repair, but for this one I feel sadness that I wasn't faithful to my word from the beginning.
 I don't want to over dramatize my sins just to make a good story, so I won't but the truth is, how I tell this story now is exactly how I feel. I feel awful. I feel irresponsible. I feel embarrassed. I feel relieved to be moving on.
One day about a month ago I woke up with a memory of something I had promised to do but didn't do. It was a pressing memory, one that said "Do something about me!" It had been so long since I last thought of it, it surprised me to think of it.  --- Many years ago and I mean many, 6 to be exact, a friend asked me to transfer his brother in-laws funeral from the 8mm tape in the video camera onto VHS.(You see this is a very long time ago, back when VHS still existed)  He had asked me to do it but I never did. It went from I'll do it tomorrow to later to I got lazy, I forgot, I probably had other excuses and then I totally forgot about it. I occasionally remembered but never took the time for it. In the mean time, I found out today, they forgot who had the tape. Yes, I believe I had the only copy of this funeral all these years, sitting in my house collecting dust. Just awful.....but the morning I woke up with this memory I felt the Spirit of God "pressuring" me to start something new. The first part included working to repair this, so I went looking for the tapes I needed, I relearned how to use the transfer equipment(thanks Ben), I found the phone number of the woman I needed to contact, I apologized to her and then I completed the circle by getting the tape to a family member that will bring it to her this weekend. It would have been so good had I been faithful to my promise in the beginning, instead I feel like crap for procrastinating. I could have done so much better- 6 years!!! Good thing God is so gracious and he doesn't condemn me or call me nasty names because that is what I feel like doing to myself right now.
So the second part of what this whole experience is doing in me is teaching me to keep my word. Unfortunately it seems I have a problem of promising and not following through, so I have made a list of all the things I can remember promising that I have not done yet and I am planning on slowly getting through that list and following through on my promises. And not making any new promises that I don't plan on keeping. And now after reading this you may understand better why I did this.

Disclaimer - If I ever promised you something and I didn't deliver, don't get too excited I did say I have to remember it.

Me and a Cinquain

I have nothing to say today, it's been 14 days and I've run out of things to say ...... I've been staring at the blankness for 10 minutes and nothing really grand has come to mind, so here is a picture and a poem, it's all I've got today.

After cross-country skiing with a friend in -40 weather.

*Cross-Country skiing

fantastic swift

moving breathing frosting

cold air in my lungs

winter

 

*I have been teaching cinquain poems this week

Talk More

What is it?
Does anyone know what the picture is of that is displayed at the top of Cindy Street?
Place your guess' in the comments below.
My mom wants to know.

I've spent a lot of hours on the phone in my life. Over the past 16 years of my marriage I have only lived near my parents for 3 and 1/2 years of it. I have really gotten used to it I guess, but I still cry sometimes. I talk to my mom and dad often on the phone and if we have time(I have time) to stay on the phone long enough we can really get into it. I love talking to them. Yesterday, I was on the phone with my mom and we  talked about how difficult it is to really know someone by  just talking on the phone. It seems so much easier when you see people face to face regularly( but what would I know about that). We weren't sure about all the reasons but for one we figured you have to stay on the phone long enough to make it past the pleasantries and small talk. Nothing wrong with the details of life but it seems the weather, listing the previous days events, talking about other people and plans for the day take most of our time and it takes time to get to what God is teaching us or what our struggles are...... maybe there is more reasons for us delaying those topics than not having the time - it's hard to talk about the issues close the heart but it seems those real-heart-issue conversations leave you feeling so refreshed. Good conversation Mom - thanks.
So the moral of the blog is.....talk more or at least make it past the basics in your conversations with people who really matter to you.

Make life a little Funny

It's hard to be funny when you're not feeling funny, but I will try because I have 2 funny stories from  our house today.

First story is called "Wanna see something cool?"
I discovered that my new running sweater has little fold-over flaps on the cuffs to cover my hands when it's cold. I remembered this discovery as I was making the girls lunches and I wanted to show it off so I called the kids into the kitchen to show them - "Hey girls come here for a second." It took them a few seconds to come, so being the efficient mom that I am I grabbed the can opener and started open a can of mini corns. (Picture a messy kitchen with a lot of food waiting to be put away and dishes waiting to be washed. Oh and half a carton of eggs sitting open near the edge of the counter). Just as the girls arrived in the kitchen 3 things happened in very quick succession - I said " You wanna see something cool?" -my hand slipped off the handle of the can opener and hit the cartoon of eggs -the eggs and carton flew off the counter and with a splat hit the floor. We all stood and stared at it. There were no survivors ...."that is not the cool thing I wanted to show you." .....Laughter.... and now we have a few less eggs and a new quote "Wanna see something cool?"

Second story is called - Mom likes to play jokes.
I made an insane amount of puff wheat cake just as the kids were coming home from school. They all had a piece while it was still loose and sticky. Then to speed up the cooling process I laid the 2 pans on the snowbank outside. As I put them outside I told the kids not to let the dog out for the next bit. The kids went off to play and I waited till the right moment, when the kids weren't paying attention, to bring the cakes inside. I took the cakes out of their pans and placed them on a cookie sheet, then I returned the empty pans outside and let the dog out... and waited. Suddenly I heard "Oh no mom!! The dog!!" me - "oh no The dog!" ..... Am I a "bad" mother? :P
lesson to learn - Make life a little funny.

On a serious note  -pray for me to be a wise parent, it feels like a tough job today.

Precious Memories of Africa

I was just thinking back on my days in Zambia last November. I was trying to recall some of the most precious moments of those 2 weeks and this is the memory that came back; it happened on the first day we were there. It was a Sunday and that is the day that the kids have Awana club. About 20 minutes before the start time and I met Naomi. She was just wandering around so I asked her what she did at Awana. She told me about the singing, Bible lesson, games and Bible memory. I asked her which verses she needed to memorize.  She couldn't remember but she wanted to know what I was memorizing and she was very interested in my bible. So we sat down on the grass, ants running up and down my legs and all, and we opened my bible together and started looking for verses. I told her I was working on memorizing Isaiah 40:28-31. She wanted to memorize it too so we worked on it together. Then she showed me one of her favorite verses Jeremiah 33:3. This was a moment in time. I remember feeling warm, not just on the outside but on the inside, a precious moment I had waited for for so long. After awhile, Darcy, one of the other team members came by and did an impromptu dramatization of the Isaiah 40 verses. This made Naomi laugh. It had only been 20 minutes but that was enough time for Naomi to work her way into my heart and it was also enough time for her to feel that my Bible was her Bible. She held my Bible with a tight grip and walked off to Awana.

Isaiah 40:28-31
"Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
 but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

Jeremiah 33:3
" Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

Saturday

...is for pancakes.
...: a day of rest from regular work.
...is a day for playing games, playing in the snow and playing jokes on each other.
...: a day for family cleaning chores.
...is for running long runs.
...: an opportunity for extra reading and writing.
...is for being together as a family.
...: a day for video games and movies, pizza and pop.
...is for inventing and crafting.
...: a day for parties and friends.
...is for dreaming of summer vacations and gardening.
...: an opportunity for almost anything.
... is a day I love.

He Opened my Eyes

During our devotion time this morning we were listening to Tim Hughes 'Beautiful One'. I closed my eyes and imagined what Jesus would look like if I sang it to him. I imagined Jesus enjoying the moment and swaying back and forth while sitting in his usually spot; his big wooden deck chair(#8). After a while I guess he stood because then I imagined my family members coming to him one by one and he hugged them, some did not respond to the hug, for them I prayed for something special to happen today so they might recognize Jesus in their life. All this time the song and video was still playing, actually it had only been two and half minutes because I opened my eyes at this time and saw to my amazement the picture on the screen was of the place I imagine Jesus and I meeting, no kidding our  place looks almost exactly like the picture at 2:39, this was the place I was just at in my minds eye... the yellow grass field with one lone tree in the middle and the trees beyond the Field. and the words on the screen caught my attention too "Open my eyes to your wonders anew, you captured my heart with this love. Because nothing on earth is as beautiful as you." He opened my eyes, Jesus wanted me to see it, I am amazed at his wondrous ways.

10

Maybe you checked in today hoping I would be saying something exciting or challenging, well sorry because this will once again just be about me...blahblahblah..... you have no obligation to continue reading.

What you might not know about me......
1. I get obsessed about random things and I will spend hours and hours researching the internet on the topic of obsession. Examples are - goat farming, sailing crew wanted, circus disasters, The Seychelles or pigeon racing just to name a few.
2. I still play Age of Empires, the old version, on lazy Sunday afternoons or snow days.
3. I like people to like me... I want everyone to like me. It disturbs me if I think someone doesn't like me. I think I put too much pressure on myself with this one.
4. I have a lot of grey hair for my age or at least it seems that way because everyone else is colouring theirs and I can't tell.Most of the time and just for myself I have kinda taken a personal stand against colouring my hair but I have to confess I sometimes feel tempted to be drawn in by the social pressure. Then I ask why is coloured hair more desirable than grey?
5. I peel my finger nails off when I get anxious.
6. I dislike reading through the Bible in a year. I prefer a slow pondering/wandering read the bible in a decade.
7. I could mix steamed spinach into almost any meal because I love it that much.
8. When I pray I imagine Jesus and I am sitting on huge wooden deck chairs in the middle of a savanna grass field in Africa. The chairs were Jesus' pick and the location was mine.
9. I think this lent  I have chosen is a good challenge to get me writing more but I don't think it is a very good lent to help me focus on Jesus. It seems to be missing the main thing.
10. I read Elizabeth Esther's blog.

From my Brain to Yours

I know it might not always look think it but it takes me about 2 hours to write a post for my blog. Sometimes even 3 hours and on a highly efficient day 1 hour. I have no idea how that compares to other people but for me that seems like a lot of time.
  I write the intro/general idea, read and edit it, sit and think, write more, read again and edit more, sit and think, sometimes almost rewrite the whole thing, read and edit, write, read, edit, read, think, read again, spell check, preview the page, read again, pick a title, say to myself this needs a picture but I don't want to spend time looking for one, read it again, then if it doesn't need more editing I wait for a confident wind to blow by and click publish and read it again as a finished piece. Sometimes I still find errors and have to go back to edit stage. All this is done before you read it for the first time. I am way over working this.....ah well. It is a good feeling when all is written and clicked.

This one only took me 30 minutes.