What I miss about Martha

Being that we live 2000 km from my mom, Martha Theissen often was the local mother presence I needed and grandma to my girls. At her funeral I learned I wasn't the only one that felt that way. Martha was amazing and I took her for granted.

Here is what I loved about Martha.

- She started the little blessings nursery when my 2 year old twins needed a place to be during the church service
- She encouraged me to think of healthy snacks for my kids
- She always seemed to find the best items and deals at MCC
- She came with me to BC on a road trip so that I wouldn't have to do it alone
- She often brought gifts for the girls, even when it wasn't a special occasion
- She started the prayer meeting we have on Tuesdays
- She let my children have play dates and sleep overs at her house
- She was a good companion
- She was a good listener
- She made good soup
- She took the girls for walks around her pond and was especially concerned about their safety
- She was so patient with my girls
- She took time to read with my girls
- Her love for her Abba was very evident

Miss you Martha!

If you knew her too feel free to add to the list.

The End .... for Now

When I asked Peter to write for my blog I don't think I knew what I was asking. But I asked him and he said yes and I was pleased. I think I was asking bigger things of him than I knew or he has admitted to.
Peter said in his intro that if you wanted to know why I asked him to do this you'd have to ask me, well since no one asked me I'm going to have to just tell you myself. I picked Peter because he was open with his life and I knew some of his story, I knew that Carol had died of cancer and left this earth way too young (in our earthly thinking) which was the way it was with my friend Martha Thiessen this past February, a few weeks with cancer and then she was gone, to soon it seems. I saw Peter had something to offer us in sharing with us his experience. I know that there was a link in my mind in asking Peter to share with us his journey in Carol's death and trying to understand, in the small ways we can, what Jake has lost in his wifes' death. It was for all of us to have a window into how God works in these times. I also asked Peter because I wanted us to know better how to walk with people who experience this, and to be challenged by his life lessons. After reading your sorry Peter I feel humbled that you said yes, I see that it wasn't always easy for you to do it. Thanks and for me I see that these goals and more were reached in your telling of your journey with and without Carol.

next time i'll tell more about Martha but for now .....

the final, but maybe not so final, (we might have you write again ;)) telling of Peter's journey ... now without Carol

Well, if you have been following along we have reached the end of my story. I thought I would leave you with some thoughts now that Carol has been in heaven for 702 days.



Lots of people have said to me: I can’t imagine living without ________. Indeed. Don’t bother. You can’t imagine the unimaginable. Turns out that God has made us remarkably resilient and we are able to get through unimaginable circumstances. Some (most?) people do this without God’s direct help – imagine that!

I don’t much like endings. I think I never really have but now they are NO FUN. After every event – either with friends or just by myself – the ending is the same. When the bedroom door closes – it’s just me – not the way I imagined.


My true Father – Abba – has revealed himself in remarkable ways. One example - It was a week or so after the funeral. I was home by myself. I was staring at the wind chime friends gave us after Carol’s Dad died. I had this thought – I would like a wind chime to remember Carol. Two days or so later a package arrived in the mail from my niece (all the way from Georgia) – it was a wind chime! I hung it on the corner of the house. I am amazed at how many times when I come home and it seems calm that I walk into the house and – I hear it. Amazing!

I continue to have remarkable experiences – things that most likely would never have happened to me if Carol were alive. People I hang out with – of all ages. Things I get to do (like write this blog). People who share with me deep life hurts and experiences. Friendships that have deepened incredibly. I have been able to explain the true Father to people in a way that God seems to be using.

For some reason I have almost completely stopped watching TV. I never really decided to – it just seems to have turned out that way. I spend lots of time reading – It seems I am mostly reading to learn more about my true Father. I have (finally) figured out a way of spending time in the word and learning from it.




Carols’ Grandma lived with her in her later years. She lived to be 100. I remember that often she used to say – oh, I miss my Johan so much. I remember thinking – lady, he has been gone for over 25 years – get over it already. I have a GREAT deal more sympathy for her view now. I think that I have a hole in my heart that will never be healed. I also think that my true Father is growing a bigger heart in me though.

Erik asked me recently if I felt ripped off. My answer is No, I don’t. I have not been angry with God or spent that much time agonizing over the unanswerable – why? Turns out that I agreed to this ending. If you are a follower of Jesus and married you did too. Some where I still have the hand printed copy of the vows that I said when we got married. Till death part us. You say that so easily – hurry up we have a honeymoon and life to get too. One day God comes calling – I want you to keep your promise. It is very shocking but this is the normal way God planned marriages to end. Sad, hurt, lonely? Yes. Ripped off – No.

Do I want to get married again? I knew you would ask. Hard question for me to answer. No, I don’t want to be (can’t imagine) alone for the rest of my days. I deeply desire and will need my true Father to guide me. More than getting married again I want to follow him. In EVERY circumstance.


Some advice:



I am convinced – your best moment is RIGHT NOW. Now is the time to say “I love you”, “I am sorry”, “Let me do that”, “Father forgive me”, “Wow, look at ____”. NOW is the time to act, to believe, to laugh, to enjoy, to change. We all get NOW. Tomorrow? That is uncertain.


Looking back now, I see that I seemed to face this life circumstance head on and in the open. Let me be VERY clear, losing Carol has been by FAR the hardest, darkest, most difficult part of my life’s journey – I hope to NEVER go through something like this again, BUT – I trust my Abba. I believe that God calls us to live in the open – the bad, the good and the ugly. We hide WAY too much stuff.
Finally this:
We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
 But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
Thanks for hanging in there with me. If you are ever in the Langley, BC area - look me up - I would love to have coffee with you. You can reach me by e-mail at: peterawolfe@gmail.com<. Drop me a note.
In the Father’s love
Peter

"God’s Plan – not mine" by Peter

If you have missed the other entries by Peter I recommend going back to read them before you read this one.
- 4 How do you live when time is short
- 3 life is good in a new direction
- 2 Part 2
- 1 Peter Begins

This is a hard one .... Peter said this was a hard one to write, thanks for your openness.

Father’s day weekend was a very special weekend. Friday night we spent with friends. Saturday was Kelly’s last shower and lots of family showed up for it. We also had a care group gathering that we attended on Saturday night.

The weekend before was special as well as we traveled to Calgary for a family wedding and spent time with my sisters.

Sunday morning was very special. Wes, our Pastor had asked if it was OK if the church prayed for us during the morning service. He asked us up to the front and a whole host of friends and people from the church joined us. I particularly remember the prayer of a friend – Ev - who was also wrestling with cancer - who prayed out loud Ps 40:1-3. Wes anointed her with oil and prayed that God’s light would guide her and I.

As we talked about this prayer time in the afternoon Carol so desired that God would heal her.

Carol had planned and prepared a simple meal that she cooked for all us. After supper we all went down stairs and looked at slides of old times – you know all those good family pictures that bring such great memories.

It was after the kids had all left that God answered. We were getting ready for bed when Carol grabbed her head and said oh, oh, it hurts so bad. I helped her into bed to rest; soon she had to vomit from the pain. The night was a blur. I remember being on edge but Carol seemed to be in her normal sleeping patterns.

It was in the morning that I could not wake her up. I called my friend Elaine and 911. The first responder arrived in minutes – he walked from up the street. Soon all the medics were present and took her to emergency.

Once we arrived they said she needed a CT scan (funny how you can have one in minutes when normally it takes months). The ER doc told me the bad news. She had a massive brain hemorrhage and there was no brain activity. Just her lower brain was keeping her breathing. [Turns out that another place OM likes to move to is the brain. She never had a brain scan – something she mentioned more than once. There must have been a tumor that burst.]

Now I had to do the hardest thing in my life yet – I had to call Rachel, Erik and Kelly and tell that the time had come – way sooner than we expected – it was time to say goodbye to their Mom.

Carol was built like her Grandmother who lived to be 100 and her mother – she just turned 95 – her body was strong and not ready to yield to the call of eternity just yet. They moved her into a private room and said we needed to wait – strong bodies can live like this for awhile.

Looking back, the next 5 days were truly holy days. I now recognize that during those days the veil between heaven and earth was thin. We had so many visitors come by and sit by her bed. People who cared for her and for us. We had great times visiting and sharing. The girls actually finished assembling the wedding programs.

Family came and said good-bye; people brought us food; truly a special time. Her brother was out of town and expressed to his wife that he would really like to see Carol one more time. They landed on Friday night and decided on the drive to not go home but straight to the hospital. Rudy walked into the room and said “hi Carol, I’m here.” Ten minutes later she entered heaven and the veil closed.

We buried her in the cemetery in our home town. A very quiet place where you can see the two mountains that dominated our view growing up. That is where her body lies– waiting. Her soul? Her soul is soaring in the heights of heaven.

Carol loved to sing and I am sure she is part of that great chorus singing …

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come."

See you next time.

Make a Plan

I want to make a plan for the summer, I don't want to let another summer go the way most do.... very little time taken to focus on God. I need to make a plan of action for my spiritual growth and connection to my Abba. I know that nature is a good way to commune with my creator, I love those times camping or out doors soaking in the mosquitoes or visa versa..LOL ... I mean soaking in the sun, ..:) but seriously nature can't be the only one, taking time to listen and learn, read and pray is key to growth.

What do you do?
What will you do this summer to intentionally connect with God?
Maybe some of your ideas can help me, and others who read.

If you too need a plan then think about this, before summer is over and you let you relationship with Jesus slide.

Not For Granted

I have a challenge for you, and I hope you've been following Peter's story as he tells of His journey with Carol and her cancer. I have been struck by the thought that Cancer knows no boundaries in fact no illness or accident for that matter knows a boundary. We can't take our spouse for granted. My challenge for you, is to tell you husband that you love him, tell your wife that you love her. If you are letting the little stuff suck the life out of your relationship stop and refocus. That's my marriage advice for the day.

Cold in May

It's supposed to be spring here in Manitoba but alas we are having cold weather. (Am I complaining about the weather on my blog? Yes!)

Kids are funny!

Joelle came home from school the other day and announced emphatically "We had all out door recess'!" at first I wonder why this strikes her as notable but soon realize it's the around zero temps, which to her seemed comparable to the -43 temperatures, at which the school keeps the kids inside for recess'. It's not -43 but it sure feels close too it when your expecting warmer.

Today it snowed.

Abba, We need the heat turned up!

how do you live when your timeline is short

This is part 4 of Peter's telling of his journey with Carol

Hi again. I thought I would go back and re-visit a question I asked last time:

So how do you live when your timeline is short – measured in months?

I talked a bit before about how Carol felt but let me explore a bit more. How do live when someone tells you that you have a fatal disease and there is no effective treatment?

I know a lot more now about the cancer that invaded her. When we met with the Ocular Oncologist back in 2000, she asked: how come you were not being checked? Checked? Carol was born with some dark spots on her eyeball and sometimes had a bluish tinge around her eye. We learned this condition is called the Nevus of Ota. Check out a picture here – Carol’s left eye looked very similar. Ocular melanoma occurs in about 3-5 people per million; if you have the Nevus of Ota it occurs in about 1 per 100 or so. Who knew?

Normally after 5 years or so in remission patients are declared cancer free and any re-occurrence is then treated as a new cancer. Not so with ocular melanoma. Turns out that 50-80 percent of people will develop a metastasis – cancer spreading somewhere else - in their lifetime. Turns out that almost invariably it first re-occurs in the liver.

Turns out that the medical profession is way behind in its understanding of treatments for metastatic OM. I have since discovered that, while there is no cure, there are a number of treatments which can potentially extend ones life. I know of people 2+ years after diagnosis and still living very well. A couple of docs in the US specialize in treatments. Who knew?

Remember the verses (Ecclesiastes 5:18-20) that God gave us about the importance of Today? One day Carol turned to me and said that those verses weren’t working for her any more – she needed more hope.

My Mom gave us a book called “Cancer and the Lords Prayer” by Greg Anderson. He describes the power of this prayer of Jesus to heal our lives – from God’s perspective. Somehow this simple short book connected with Carol and brought her closer to her true Father and filled her with hope for each day. In fact, I still have on my fridge the copy of the Lord’s Prayer she printed out.

One day as we were driving she said, “I have never been able to picture heaven as a place I would want to go to – but yesterday God gave me a vision”. She described how she had this picture of this most beautiful trip – better than any we had taken – that she was going on. The trip was going from one beautiful place to another even more beautiful and it lasted forever. She said: “I can go to heaven if it’s a place like that”.
She (obviously) was filled with fear as well. She did not really talk with me about her fears that much. That was reserved for her very best friend Elaine – her friend since she was 15. I have discovered that there were lots of conversations about darkness and fear that I was unaware of.

One day Elaine woke up with a strong feeling that she should buy Carol a book. It was called “Hinds Feet on High Places”. It is the story of someone called Much-Afraid and her exciting journey to the High Places. Carol just ate this book up. She loved it and it just calmed her soul.

One of her fears was of pain. I know that she was afraid of what pain awaited her. Her true Father knew this too and he had a plan.

That comes next time. See you then.

Peter

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