Thursday, December 31, 2009

Mark 10

V.15 What does it mean to receive the kingdom of God like a little child?
V.23-31 Why is it hard for the rich to enter the kingdom of Heaven? I see Jesus is asking this man to sell everything. Do the rich really have to sell everything to enter heaven? Or maybe it's harder to simply trust in God when you have other things, like money, to give you security. And maybe that's why he tells him to sell everything because it is hindering him. Verse 27 seems to say it would be difficult for the poor too because it is impossible for people without God either way, which we know well because we are saved by grace alone. Then 29-30 goes on to say it is those that will sacrifice the comfort of family for the sake of the gospel that will receive eternal life. It is a little confusing but what I think Jesus is getting at is that people should not let anything hinder them from coming to the kingdom, not family or wealth or anything else, just come to God like a child and God makes salvation possible.
V.33-34 those words I imagine would have been difficult for Jesus to say, knowing it was about himself.
V. 43-45 This is a key verse in this book. In my opinion this is the heart of what Jesus has been saying and trying to do to this point.

One thing I have begun to notice is that Jesus was intentional about his teaching and healed only when called upon to do so. The stories earlier on where mostly healings, people came to him to be healed but didn't recognize the wealth beyond that that Jesus had to offer. Now in Chapter 10 it seems they are beginning to realize. 10:1 says it was his custom to teach them (it did not say heal their sick). The chapter with a healing because the blind man comes and asks for it. The Blind man calls Jesus "Rabbi" which means teacher. Jesus constantly heals because he has compassion on the people. I love Jesus.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Our 2009 Family Snapshot


In case you didn't get out Chritams letter, here are a few snippets from our life:
-We've been in Manitoba for more than 6 years now and it really feels like home. Sometimes people ask us "If you die now where would you be buried?" We say Manitoba, that's how I know we are home. That said we still miss the mountains and ocean and family we have in BC, especially now during the holidays.
- For summer holidays this year we went to BC with Jeff Krahn and kids, and Al and Martha Sawatzky and boys. While we were in the Rocky Mountain area we went to a lake way up in the mountains. It was an afternoon in time I wish could last forever, the sun was so warm, the lake was a wonderful turquoise colour, we were swimming and lounging on the dock with some awesome friends and then it started to rain, yes the sun was still shining and this was the best. The whole trip was a memorable adventure.
-Our family loves music. We have a lot of diversity in our music. Music is often combined with dancing at our house, that's how we keep fit :). Our favourite musical artist right now are: Krystal Meyers(Joelle), Hannah Montanna(Ariel), David Crowder(Cindy), Xavier Rudd (Ben), and Gummibar(Seraya)
-Ben really got into cyclocross(off road biking with a road bike) this year. He is part of a local group that call themselves ABES (Altona Biking EnthusistS) and I can tell you first hand he is very enthusiastic about biking, he has the kids hooked and is not giving up on trying to convince me to be a Babe of ABE. It has been a lot of fun cheering him on at races and see him so excited about it.
- We attended the Church Planting Congress in Calgary. We travelled with over 40 other people from our conference. It was amazing. We were encouraged once again to keep focused on the basics: Make followers of Jesus, reach out to our local community, and reach out to the ends of the earth.
-This year we saw more than ever that our little girls are growing up, the thought comes with a mixture of fear and excitement. The scary part is how they move to be so independent of us and look and act more like tweenagers than little girls. The exciting part is seeing them grow in their faith, read their bibles on their own with enthusiasm and begin to ask questions that matter and to be active in caring for the poor. Ariel read the whole book of Psalms this fall. Joelle and Seraya went on a unicef collecting drive all on their own in some cold weather. And now they are all getting enthusiastic about fundraising for drilling a well in a place that needs clean water, talk to Ariel if you also have an interest in this.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Mark 9

V.4 Have you ever seen a dead person? Or a ghost? The disciples see Jesus converse with this 2 dead guys. It just seems so weird.
V. 15 Jesus is treated like a superstar, but he ignores it and goes straight to the issue at hand in verse 16.
V 19 Jesus is tired of their unbelief, they love his miracles so much but they lack faith and he is frustrated it seems, but he always has compassion.
V. 23 "Everything is possible for him who believes" Jesus says. I hear these words in my life too, and I echo with the boys father in verse 24 "I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief." Jesus I need your help for so many things.
V. 30,31 Jesus takes his disciples on a retreat. Cool.
V. 35-37 Jesus teaches them again about what he has come to do, he teaches about serving one another. Pride and selfishness have defiantly been the disease of my life, I keep trying to get rid of it but it comes back or I find more of it in my life. Jesus has said a few times in Mark about the way to greatness, it's through being a servant to all, to become like a child. Jesus' kingdom is an upside down kingdom, the way up is down. I think this all means that we need, I need to be less selfish, more serving, more grateful, more generous, relinquish more of what I think is "rightfully" mine. Like I said riding myself of it will be a life long endeavor but I think I'm on the journey anyway.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Mark 8

V. 15, as I read this I wonder what does it mean, "be careful for the yeast of the pharisees." I know yeast is something that even if there is a little it can affect the who batch and once you add it to the dough, under the right conditions, it works all on it's own fermenting all the dough. The Pharisees have just asked for a sign and Jesus seems ticked with them. Maybe Jesus is warning them not to let the Pharisees influence and thinking work into their lives, not even a little. It seems the Pharisees were doubting Jesus' authority.

For the first time in reading the gospels I feel like I am seeing Jesus' healing ministry as a side show. Am I seeing something wrongly? Set me straight if I am. Jesus is healing people because he is so compassionate and can't stop from helping them when they have faith, it's just in him to love and give but it's not what he really came to do. I feel like I am seeing this because he constantly tells people to keep the healing a secret and then he asks his disciples in verse 27-30 "Who do you say I am?" as if he is really wondering if his true intent is coming through to them, but then he tells them to keep that a secret too.... I don't know ...

V. 34-38 gives us another picture of Jesus' intentions on earth, to be an example of a true servant of all.

While examining 34-38 of the chapter I ask myself these 3 questions
1. How do I see this working in my family right now? - Wow I don't see the servant that I should be, I do see boldness though.
2. What new possibilities are here? - A happier home, serving home, with more thankfulness.
3. What would happen if we took these words seriously? - Less hesitation in sharing our faith anywhere and everywhere, more people would know Jesus. We would focus less on gaining in this world and focus on serving and gaining in eternity.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Mark 7

V. 8 I wonder if Jesus might have this to say about some things we do?
V.24, 36, 37 Again Jesus is trying to be secretive. It is almost as if he is willingly doing the miracles because of his compassion but yet doesn't want to do them for some other reason. Just a thought here, maybe the people were all seeking him for the wrong reason, selfish motives, wanting to be amazed, wanting healing, not truth and understanding and maybe Jesus feels he is getting too much glory and he wants His father to get the glory instead.

1.What does the text say? - Jesus is healing people, Jesus opposes the pharisees who are following traditions that are nullifying the word of God.
2.What does it mean? - Jesus is more powerful than physical ailments, God cares about our physical well being, Jesus was a compassionate man, traditions need to be evaluated by scripture to see if it nullifies the word of God.
3. How will I respond? - Be more compassionate like Jesus and remember to ask for healing on mine and other ailments, evaluate my traditions(as best I can) in light of scripture.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Mark 6

For those of you that might be just joining me, I'll let you know, I am reading and journaling through Mark over the holidays and I'm hoping you'll join me in doing the same. I really appreciate the accountability.
I will be taking a 2 day blog break on the 25th and 26th, so you have time to catch up if you're behind.

My random thoughts on Mark 6
V.1-6 Faith is a big deal. These people in Jesus home town did not see him like others did and they lacked faith. To them Jesus was just too familiar, he'd just always been around, part of their life. And it seems that because of his familiarity to them he was nothing too special, and so they didn't have faith in him. As I am writing this I am noticing something similar between the people in Jesus home town and my experience from a Christan upbringing and this predominately Christian town. When one has grown up in a Christian home the freshness and excitement of Jesus is often missing, he's just always been there. I hear it all the time from young people when talking about their testimonies, "My testimony is boring, I grew-up in a Christian home, I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 3, I never did anything really bad.blah blah blah..." The realization of Jesus' power is missing, the realization and expectation of a miracle is missing. There is nothing wrong with knowing Jesus from child up but I guess the question is - How do we keep being captivated anew with radical faith in a "Jesus bubble", where Jesus is familiar and has always been there? How do you create an expectant faith filled atmosphere as we raise our kids? (I'll have to explore this father in a future blog post)
V. 34 Jesus has compassion on them. I love these words about Jesus.
V. 46 Jesus need to get with his father again and so he makes the time for it.
V. 48 Funny that Jesus was about to pass by them, wasn't he heading to them? Maybe he was playing a joke on them?
V. 56 "All who touched him were healed." Amazing, Jesus these stories are amazing, I want to see action like this in our time too. There are so many sick and hurting people in our day too, if we have faith can these events take place in our time? Are they happening? Where? How? Lord help me to have faith. Increase the healing in our day.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Mark 5

V. 17 Jesus was just too much for them to Handle, they were afraid of what they didn't understand about the situation, so they send him away. I wonder if sometimes we do the same, Jesus is doing something amazing but it is way to different or scary for us so we have a choice to distance ourselves from him or follow him one step at a time in faith.
V. 19-20 "Go home to your family and tell them." Jesus gives the man his mission, to reach him family and home town, as opposed to going to far and distant places. I think this is an encouragement for people who don't feel God's call to distant places, but to stay near their family and neighborhood to be the missionary right where they are.
V. 43 I wonder why Jesus didn't want anyone to know what happened? and I always find I interesting that despite his wishes the story ended up being written in the most popular book of all time(also God's own word), still being read 2000+ years after it happened. Obviously he didn't really want it to be secret forever.

I like the story from 21-43. One of the reasons I like it is because it shows a day in the life of Jesus more than other stories seem to. Jesus is on the way to one miracle and another one "happens" on the way. I thought "happens" was a strange word to use for a miracle but it was the best word I could think of because from everyone but the woman and God's eyes it just suddenly happens. This day in the life of Jesus is filled with 2 kinds of people, those with faith and those without faith. Each persons experience with Jesus hinged on if they had faith or not. Because of faith Jairus got his daughter back, the woman stopped bleeding and was freed from her suffering, Peter, James and John got to witness an amazing miracle. because of their lack of faith the others had fear and sorrow, others ignored them, Jesus ignored them and left them out of the amazing things he was about to do, they did not witness a miracle or experience one themselves.
After reading this story I feel challenged to have faith, reminded to just believe Jesus will do what he says he can do and will be who he says he will be.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Mark 4

V. 2,34 he taught them(all the people) many things by parable and he only tells his disciples the meanings of the parables. The rest of the people had to figure it out. I don't really understand why he does this, it doesn't seem fair.
V. 40 It seems that Jesus expected brave and bold things from the disciples. Maybe with the fact that they had the inside scoop on the parables Jesus also expected more of them on account of it. Actually I think that is what V.24 and 25 says.
V. 41 I love this questions, I can feel the awe in it. " Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!" I read this stories of Jesus and I get so excited. Let's be honest we don't always "feel" it, I mean "feeling" like Jesus really did this, sometimes it's just a story, but the closer I get to know him the more I really believe and "feel" it. It's a powerful thing to know it's reality. Jesus instantly calmed the storm. Anything seems possible.... I am in awe of You Jesus.

2 questions I ask myself
1. What do I see in this chapter that is already at work in my life? - I see good soil in my life (V.20) where truth is producing good fruit. I see being a disciple of Jesus is enlightening(V.34), I just wish sometimes he was here in person.
2. What new possibilities are found here? - Blessings of more understanding will be found as I use the knowledge/understanding I already have(V.24). Great and wondrous things will happen when I have faith and am not afraid (V.40), like the calming of the storm.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Mark 3

Jesus is not so interested in keeping a list of rules, he has his Fathers business in mind, which in this first story(v.1-6) includes Jesus healing a man on the Sabbath, which was considered work by the rule keepers. Jesus is concerned about reconciling the world to right not keeping rules, even to the point of taking great risks(the pharisees are now plotting to kill him because he does this) As I read this I wonder am I willing to take great risks to do the work of reconciliation? Risk like Jesus did?.... Lord make me willing to do your will no matter what it might do to my "image".

What questions do I have after reading this chapter?
V. 12 Why did Jesus not want the evil spirits to say who he was?
V. 14 Did Jesus only give power to preach and authority of demons to the apostles? Or was that also given to other believers?
V. 29 What does eternal sin mean?
V. 34, 35 Does biological family really mean nothing to Jesus?

* For those in the Young Moms Bible Study that are following along here, I just want to make a note about the lists of questions we gave you, feel free to deviate from those questions, as you can see I don't follow them. I actually have found it difficult to follow them. The point is to find what works for you and do it and learn from scripture.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Mark 2

The first story(v1-12) is Jesus healing the man who was lowered through the roof. The part that has caught my attention is the miracle of forgiven sins. We often see the physical healing as, "wow-Amazing" but take the forgiveness miracle for granted, at least I do. I know forgiveness. I've experienced that a lot but physical healing not so much, only a few times in my life have I specifically identified my healing as a miracle. We, or I should say I, need to be more wowed over forgiveness because they are equal miracles.

Jesus a friend of sinners, Jesus not for the ones who think they're religious(v.13-17).
1. What does this say to our world? - Jesus is for them.
2. What does this say to our country? - Jesus is for them.
3. What does this say to our community? - Jesus is for them.
4. What does this say to our congregation? - Jesus is for us and we need to move out from our 4 walls and 101 self-serving programs to be Jesus to our world, country and community.
5. What does this say to our family? - Jesus is for them
6. What does this say to me? - Jesus is for me and I need to remember to extend grace and that Jesus is good news for sinners and I need to be their friends too.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Mark 1

Journaling Mark 1
As I read the chapter my mind didn't settle on just one story or passage but several points that stand out.
I notice it is interesting that Jesus is tempted(v.12) and yet in James 1 says God can not be tempted. Not a discrepancy, I don't think, it just shows me Jesus was able to be tempted because he was fully human, which I feel brings Jesus closer to really knowing and understanding what I go through. Oh Jesus you know what I go though, your strength will be my strength.
Verse 35 seems to highlight, Jesus gets up early to pray in solitude. He's getting his fathers priorities for the day..... Jesus I want to be like you... I don't know how often Jesus does that, it doesn't say, we always assume it was daily maybe it was weekly maybe monthly does it really matter? I know my day goes in a wonderful way when I can get up in the house while it's still calm and quiet and have some solitude with my heavenly father, to get his priorities. Jesus thanks for teaching us how it's done.

1 What is the question to which the text responds?
- Was Jesus really tempted like us? Does Jesus need to get direction from God? What does Jesus do to get directions from God?
2 What do these passages say to you about relating to others?
- I will know the fathers priorities in relating to others when I spend time with him in a quiet place like Jesus did.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Christmas Break Challenge


I want to give you the same challenge as we gave in our Young Moms Bible Study for the Christmas break.
Some of you might be like me, when routine changes I need something different to keep me focused on Studying and learning from God's word, or I do nothing at all.

The challenge is to read one chapter a day in Mark and journal. There are 16 chapters, so since there are 21 days we actually have 5 free days. (which I know is 3 weeks, when Christmas break is only 2 weeks, but that is how long we have until out Bible Study meets again)

So the challenge is read a chapter and journal your thought and answer some application questions of the text. Like-

What does this say to our world?
What does this say to our family?
What does this say to our community?
What does this say to our congregation?
What does this say to me?

or

What does the text say?
What does the text mean?
Ho will I respond?

or other questions you think are important to the chapter.

So I'm going to do this here through my blog, I'm going to journal my thoughts on each chapter and I'd love for those of you who are taking up the challenge to join me by adding your thoughts, comments and questions for each chapter.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Tribute to Ben Sawatzky

For those of you who knew Ben Sawatzky, who dies this past weekend, go to Ben's blog and comment about what he meant to you. Tomorrow Tuesday Dec. 15 at 2:00pm is Ben's Funeral.

I knew Ben because he was almost always at the coffee table at church when I was there, he'd have already made coffee and was waiting for others to arrive. We really took him for granted. He always brought food. I remember when Marv found out he had diabetes and the other pastors where watching their weight he started bringing fruit instead of sweets because it was what you guys would eat. One things for sure, Ben won't be lonely anymore, but we'll be missing him.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Funny - from my kids

Some day my kids are going to hate me for having a blog, but they make me laugh, I can't help but tell you about them.

Some of the things that make me laugh are the words my children mix up, or what they think is being said is not what really is being said. So funny what they say

My kids have all honestly said these

Tomatoes for Potatoes (they still get them mixed up) "Tomatoes and gravy."
crotches for crutches (We didn't correct his one for a while it was too funny)
6 white boomers sung as 6 white bloomers (from the Australian Christmas tune)
grill cheese are girl cheese at our house (the burnt ones are boy cheese)
"O Tannenbaum" sung distinctly as "oh tiny bum" (that was definitely sung for me ;P)
french immersion was french inversion (this took a while to correct, lol)
annoying and ignoring always getting mixed (One pestering the other in the back seat, "Mommy, she's ignoring me!")
pimple for Pupil (heard this one today)

Saturday, December 05, 2009

A Baby in Another World


Today you are going to read my dream diary. I actually don't have one but I've often thought I should keep one, I dream every night and often when I tell them to Ben he is sure I have the strangest ones. Be warned my dreams can be disturbing to some.

I was at a gathering and I was in the kitchen I think, then I turned to find a baby in a cradle, the baby was a new born and had not been feed since it's birth, it had been laid in the cradle and abandoned. The baby was still alive but was turning blue from hunger. I brought it to my breast and what do you know, I had milk for it... lots of milk. The babies face began changing from blue to a beautiful blend of African and White skin, the baby was happy and so was I. I was bonding with the baby now and I was pleased when the unknown biological mother said "You can have it". The gathering continued and I let others hold my baby. At some point while the baby was elsewhere I discovered it was time to feed again -a nursing mother can just tell. But the baby was not around so I poured my milk(yes I mean poured) into an ice cream pail but it was watery almost all water, my mom was there I was calling for her to get a second container because there was so much. Then it was over, the dog barged into the bedroom chasing the cat; beautiful baby, watering milk, gathering, all disappeared into another world, a distant time.

Not sure why I wanted to share that with you.
Some might say "Too much information!" and I say oh well, that's just the way my blog is, that's just the way I am :P.
I found something odd and wonderful about it.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Exploring meaning

There was a good question raised last week in a comment and today I want to explore the answer. As I was blogging the things that stood out to me from the Church Planting Congress I found myself often using the phrase "Alerting people to the reign of God" a phrase I learned at the conference.

Here is the question,"Tell me more about 'the Reign of God'? What does that mean?"

Mike Frost was the one who got me hooked on this phrase -" Alerting people around us to the reign of God." The way I see it, here are some other ways I could say this - Show people the way of God's Kingdom - Be Jesus where we go.
Matt 10:7-9 Jesus tells his disciples "As you go, preach this message: 'The kingdom of heaven is near.' Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give."
And in Ephesians 1 Paul also tells of what we Alert people to " our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. ..he chose us in him before the creation of the world ...he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ ...his glorious grace, which he has freely given us ... redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, ...he made known to us the mystery of his will ....to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ."

When we who know the freedom, salvation, grace, forgiveness, peace, love, purpose, supernatural go out from our safe homes and places of gathering(ie.church) we may be the only Jesus that pre-Christians ever see. So we need to speak about what Jesus Kingdom brings and we need to let our lives show it.

I love the example that was giving of this; when we go to the theater there is always a trailer for a new movie coming out. Well our lives need to be a trailer for the kingdom. The full length movie is coming in the end of time but until then our lives show glimpses of what is to come, We need to be true representatives for the kingdom. We need to live lives that make people want to be there, lives that point people to Jesus.

So the "Reign of God" is evident in all his wonderfulness that we see happen and all that we know he has promised.

That is how I would explain it. Anyone have thoughts to add or questions?

Friday, November 27, 2009

#7 The people

This is the last post of a weeks worth of blogging about what I learned/gained at Renov8 the Church planting Congress in Calgary.
I saved the best for last. The best thing in all this was the relationships that got built and the people I met face to face. This is one thing the Internet can not do as much as we try.
- I meet a couple with 6 boys, 2 of which were 4 month old twins. We only talked for 20 minutes, and likely will never talk again but in that time a bond is created. They are heading to Medicine Hat in Spring, Lord willing, to plant a church. I was blessed by meeting them.
- Sitting around a table with complete strangers, many of which are way out of my league in knowledge and practice of faith, but yet you know me I got right into the discussions regardless. I liked that discussion a lot, we talked about how to add to our numbers daily those who are being saved.
- Having a FUN late at night at Denny's
- Getting to know the EMMCers that came from Ontario and Belize and Mexico.
- The conversations on that long bus ride, some 16 hours I think, getting to know people from all over the province that care about God's mission for the church.
- I made a lot of friends, I'd like to list all the friends I made but I won't, afraid I'd miss some:)
- Plus Ben and I got to do all this together.

Thanks to all those involved in getting us there.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

#6 Friend of Sinners

Last session by Mike Frost - The number one non-negotiable in church planting is - Jesus is our reference point.
Jesus is the root and example of all we do, yes it's true what you learned at age 3 in Sunday School, the answer to all questions is "JESUS". Oh and in case you're wondering this is not just for labeled "church planters", I think we can safely say Jesus is the reference point for all of his disciples. Kinda a no brainer...right? .... but wait, read on.
Jesus was a friend of "sinners" and "Holy people" didn't like him very much.
I think the reason this point about Jesus being our reference point is so important is because we have this thing switched around, we the disciples of Jesus, too often, have become people-pleasers to the "holy people" and we have alienate ourselves from "sinners". The total opposite of what Jesus did. Why is this? I think one reason is we are afraid of looking bad, looking like a "sinner" to the other "holy people". The whole way we have identified ourselves as different from the worldly has often been associated to who we hang with and where we hang. We have this mental list of where it's "Ok" for Christians to be and where it's not and we judge people and forget- Jesus would have been in the Bar too.
So when we think of reaching people with grace and truth we have to be like Jesus, and not let the fear of what it might look like stop us from bringing the kingdom into places that "sinners" gather. Besides let's get over it, we're all sinners.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

#5 Wagdi Iskander


There can't have been a soul in the auditorium that was not captivated by Wagdi Iskander's testimony and challenge. In my opinion he was the most moving and challenging presenter of the week.
I was trying to summarize his testimony(struggling to do so)so instead I found this written about him which will give you an idea of his story.(read the full article here)
Iskander grew up in northern Sudan,.. Although he was not a devout Muslim in his youth, he said he harboured bitterness toward Christians, especially one Muslim convert who shared Christ with him.

"I used to hate him," Iskander said. "But he cared about me and showed me the love of Christ." ... After Iskander completed his university degree and began working as an accountant in Khartoum, his friend continued witnessing to him.

"I was looking for forgiveness, but I didn't know where to find forgiveness," Iskander says. "But when my friend showed me the love of Christ, I found forgiveness and became a Christian." As a result, he was estranged from his family; some family members think he is dead. He also spent more than three months in prison. Although he was released, two of his friends imprisoned in the same jail were killed.


He challenged us to reach out to Muslims, in fact he is so passionate for the church to grow among his people that he has resigned his life, even to martyrdom, to advance the mission of God. He said he'd die for the church! It was a very powerful ending. Many people could not exit the sanctuary, they remained in their seats, searching their hearts for even a shred of courage that Wagdi portrayed.

We are planning on getting the Audio recording of this session for the church library, so if any local readers have an interest in hearing this session for yourself check the EMMC Library some time in the near future.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

#4 After all this was a church planting congress

If you've been following my blog this week you'll know where I'm heading again today. I am sharing things I learned from the Church Planting Congress in Calgary, which was put on by Church planting Canada. The funny thing is, you may or may not have noticed, Considering the topic, I haven't actually said anything about church planting, well not specifically anyway. There are a few reasons for this, firstly, the congress was mostly focused on Church Planting in an urban setting(I found that hard to connect with, but I could connect it to my existing church and community involvement). Secondly, this conference blew my mind open as to what church planting is all about, so church plant talk doesn't look like it used to. The phrase was said -We used to know what church planting looked like, we Just took what worked well in one community and replicated it all over the place, but now it's different. To reach people we have to be relevant to their neighborhood. So the things I have learned may not look like church plant talk but they are... or so I've learned - this is all very new to me. There was a concentrated focus on being sent into your neighborhood as opposed to being sent to a new location, which of course was pretty much the only way I thought about church planting before the congress. This is not to say that going out to a new location is not needed, I'm just saying they didn't talk about it a lot. My mind was opened to how I can be a church planter right here and how I can use these things I've learned to enhance the church I belong to. One phrase I will leave you with today is Again from Mike Frost "We're not in the business of planting churches.(how ironic) We're not in the business of expanding our denomination. The Goal of Christian Mission is to Alert people to the reign of God." "God is the sent and the sending one and there is no such thing as an unsent Christian. Your mission is not inward."

I hope you could follow my ramblings today.

Monday, November 23, 2009

#3 Brain Numbing Risk Averse Society


Some friends of mine from the Build a Village team are heading to El Salvador in a few days to stand in solidarity with their friends who have lost nearly everything in a recent disaster. When they told me about the risks and danger involved in this trip I was telling them not to go, "You are unwise. Use your head. Be safe" But they were certain God had called them no matter what the risks and dangers. The day after saying this to them I was sitting in a safe cushioned seat at the renov8 Church planting Congress, again listening to Juliet Kilpin. And she says "Fear is rapidly affecting the church." She was saying that God is not about safety he is about his mission, alerting people to his reign. Fear was a poison I had been letting in especially in this area of blessing my friend to enter the danger zone. ... I had forgotten. We live in a "brain numbing risk averse society", Juliet said and this is resonated with me because it is something I have long been ranting against. Society is becoming too dictating on the safety issue, too safe and too afraid to let us take risks, so much that it is slowly rendering us ineffective in God's mission and leaving us terrified to try anything new or different. I had been objecting to societies suffocating risk aversion yet unknowingly becoming part of encouraging it, which was made obvious as I let my fears rule my words for my friends going into El Salvador. You may not go to El Salvador or move far from your community but I want to encourage you, go out, take the risks, don't let fear stop you from reaching out with God's mission. That is what I was reminded of and will endeavor to live out. Even if we return in body bags let's go where God calls us.
Are you willing?

Sunday, November 22, 2009

#2 Has the church become too important?


One thing from Juliet Kilpin:
She was bold - "Sell your church building."

Her point is that we get too caught up in thinking that "church" only happens in the building and what happens in the building has to be restricted to certain activities. She points out that if we are limited by the building then that will hinder God's mission for the church(the body of Christ).
It was talked about that real church is in the community of believers sent to do God's mission, alerting people to the reign of God. Church can happen anywhere, on a school ground, a youth center, my home or yours, the restaurant for lunch, seniors center, the bar, the park, any place that God's people live and speak out God's mission and this can happen in multiple ways that reach the heart of a target group of people.
It seems so often that we Christians enjoy the safety and security of our building and don't get out in the trenches of life with people enough.
Did she really mean it(sell your church)? I think she did. I know it's not right for all but what is right is to rethink our church building use and how active we are outside it's four walls.

Do you think Juliet is crazy?

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Renov8

Just got back from 'Renov8' a gathering of church leaders learning to advance our understanding of church and our passion to be missional -- a Church Planting congress. It was a fabulous event, I was overloaded, inspired, crushed, energized, exhausted, challenged, opened, pulled deeper into Jesus and sent out. If you are a regular reader of my blog you know I do not like long posts, though in this case I am tempted to just write all my thoughts out in one splatter, quotes of Mike frost and Wagdi Iskander, plans that bubble in my head, and challenges I want to share ..... but No won't do it, I think I will try something different, for one week I am going to blog everyday something that stood out.

#1 Alerting people around us to the reign of God
Mike Frost was a very intriguing speaker, he says the goal of Christian Mission is to alert people to the reign of God, and he says it seems for too long Christians have reduced christian mission to evangelism, but it is more we must go out like Jesus proclaiming the good news of the kingdom of God. Announcing it and demonstrating it.
If I asked you(my Christian readers), what is your mission in life, what would you say? Is your mission grounded in God?

Monday, October 26, 2009

kids no flushy

Are you one of those parents that complains about your kids not flushing the toilet? You nag your kids day in and day out, but nothing changes?
I am a creative thinker and this spreads into our parenting too. You sometimes just have to find different ways to get through to the kids
Here is one I did recently. You might wanna try it, but don't tell them it was my idea.

We have dog as most of you know and he is large, ok he's not only large but he's hairy, lots of fur around his chin and mouth area. Since he is so big, when the toilet lid is open it is the perfect bowl height for him to quench his thirst in. Even though he has his own water bowl right next to the toilet, for some reason the savage beast prefers the toilet water. Not such a big deal maybe if that water was constantly fresh and in a clean toilet bowl. But that's not at our house. Now for any mother(or father for that matter) who has spent the last decade of his or her life working at ways to keep the house somewhat clean and fresh smelling, like I have, would agree that when toilet odor walks into the room you are comfortably lounging in, it's enough to make you crack. Crack down on the problem.
The problem
- kids no flushy
- kids no put lid down
- dog does as dogs do(very disgusting creatures)
- dog drink poo water
- dog fur near mouth soaked in smelly water
- dog drip water all over house
- poo smell wafting through the house
- mom smells it
- mom sees dog with wet face
- mom not going to nag again
- mom has fresh idea
....and so I got up from my spot, grabbed a paper, a marker, and some strong tape. I wrote a note and marched to the bathroom with no announcement of my actions.

Fast forward 1 hour-- Seraya went dashing to the bathroom, hand in position to prevent leakage, she paused to investigate my vandalism of the toilet, while dancing the pee dance. In dismay she looked at me with disbelief "but,..but,... mom!"

The note read:

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Do you need a Jillian?


I want to tell you why I love the show "The Biggest Loser" If you don't know this show it is another reality show that takes up peoples real time(like mine and Ben's), with other peoples "real" lives. :).... Hey but Ben and I have had so much fun together watching a few episodes, plus I've got an insight from it. (If you don't like the show I may have just dropped a few rating points -but oh well)
On the show there are people who are obese - really,really over weight- and they want to loose weight but have lost the power to do it on their own. There are two trainers on this show who motivate them to exercise. Their names are Bob and Jillian. Jillian in particular is very firm with them ... that might be putting it little mild - She's mean. She'll work them until they cry, want to give up or throw up. She is totally insane all over them. I think the first impression you might get of Jillian is that she is really awful, but then you see how the show contestants start to change and actually go back for more of her. They want her to push them, they need her to whip them into shape because otherwise they wouldn't do it. This got me thinking about something, with my spiritual growth. I try so hard on my own to change things that I want to change but I don't, I come up with excuses and believe them. I feel like I need a Jillian to help motivate me to change those things I just am too lazy to change. If I had a Jillian on my back yelling at me and not letting me excuse my way out, time and time again, I think I would change. I also want to be a Jillian, I want to help people get real and affective in their faith and be right with God.
I've been a mentor to others and had mentors since Bible school and they've all been good and helped me grow but nothing like a Jillian, I think us Christians are just too nice to each other sometimes, we keep sympathizing with each others struggles, which of coarse is good but somehow in a loving way can't we get into each others space and face and maybe get ticked off enough to move from our comfort zones. I wonder how I would really respond to a tough mentor?
Now you know the only way Jillian has any credibility on the show is because she is in really good shape, right? I guess that is why it is so hard to be the one to get into some one's face on spiritual matters, because we ourselves have to be credible, walking the talk.
Face to face it's hard to be tough, besides some people would not appreciate this approach so maybe I won't go all "Jillian" on you in person but in this blog I can. It's really up to you if you come and read, and no one has to take it personally. :)
Question for you:
Do you sometimes wish you had someone who cared enough about your spiritual growth that they would get in your face on some issues?

Friday, October 09, 2009

Honest + Open = Vulnerable + Free



Why? Why do I open up my life on the world wide web? Why open up to anyone at all? Is there a difference in how open one should be, blogging or in person? What kind of openness, vulnerability or transparency is appropriate or acceptable on a blog?
or Maybe if you don't have a blog, how vulnerable or transparent should you be with others?

I find it funny that I have a blog were I talk about personal things, things that leave me vulnerable. Why? Why on earth would I tell you, strangers and friends alike, all this stuff about me and my life? Then I sometimes wonder, Where do I get off thinking people actually care about my writings? Do I really have anything worth while to say? --- don't answer that! I guess you are the only ones who know the answers to why you read but for me, why do I write my stories here for the world to read? Why am I honest about what's in my life? I started thinking about this when I had someone tell me that they would never share openly on the Internet, they just read other peoples comments on facebook and blogs, but they don't let people know where they are at; not their strengths or their weaknesses. I felt sorry for this person because the best thing, the most freeing thing, I have ever done in my life is to share my greatest weaknesses openly. I think being real and honest about life is very freeing and it does leave you vulnerable at times, but I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not and wear a mask. For me blogging is part of this, it helps me feel free.
But that said I still don't write everything here.. **a grateful sigh is heard across the land**
This is how I decide what to write, I either am going about my day and I have a thought or an experience that I instantly know I need to blog or I know it's time to blog so I sit down, start writing until something worth posting comes to the surface. Not everything I want to say do I write ***another grateful sigh is heard across the land**
So I blog and that's for me .... Some of you don't, so why do you choose to be open and vulnerable with people in real life? Or why are you not open with people?(if you'll share) And some of you do blog, what about you? Why do you do it?
How vulnerable are you? Have you found that being real, becoming unmasked is freeing?

Monday, October 05, 2009

Christmas on the Brain


I don't know if you've started thinking about Christmas yet, but it has been on my mind a little these days. We are trying to think creatively about our gift giving this year, gifts that don't add to the commercialization of Jesus Birth, and this takes a little more time than going with the allotted cash up to the nearest mega store just so there'll be "stuff" under the tree. Last year we found this site called Advent Conspiracy, their slogan is "Christmas can [still] change the world", and change it for the better, not the worse. Maybe your kids are like mine; I know my kids say the meaning of Christmas is Jesus and that that is why we celebrate but why then is it that they have already begun making their wish lists, wouldn't this show that subconsciously they have learned the meaning of Christmas is "more for me"? When did Christmas change to this and how do we change it back? These are some of the things Advent Conspiracy helps people work through. Check it out if you also want to change Christmas.
Advent Conspiracy links:
Advent Conspiracy
rethinking christmas

Thursday, September 24, 2009

A Different Kind of King


Ben has started a sermon series this fall, on the book of Matthew. Matthews stories says a lot about how we have a different kind of king than any earthy king or leader, different than the Jews were expecting. Jesus our savior and king comes to us and relates to us different than we expected.
Join Ben on his blog to go deeper into the study of Matthew, if your not local join in by following the blog and listen to the messages via the church web site(The messages are usually up mid-week).
This past Sunday Ben, conveyed to us that God does fulfill his promises and he is at work and this is what he taught from Matt. 1:1-17. If you're not looking it up I'll tell you this is the genealogy of Jesus. I was really amazed how Ben pulled such a great message out of what I normally skim over out of fear of boredom.
God is amazing all glory to Him.

Friday, September 18, 2009

September 18


Here are some words from the Apostle Paul.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as the Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.
Eph 4:32-5:2

That is packed full of truth.
What truths are written in these words?
Here are a few I see
- We are loved by God
- Jesus is God
- We need to forgive each other

There are more, what truths do you see are written in this passage? Comment if you like.

Ok and one more unrelated thing. I need my praying friends. I've had a very difficult week in some regards and I know that many of you are my prayer warriors, so it is very useful sharing this here. I won't tell you details but I will tell you, you can pray for my mind to be clear and focused on what is truth in this situation and then, that I will be able to be thankful, no matter what and trust God. Thank you.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Truth and Beauty

Last week I thought I was wrapping up the blog conversation on What women should wear, with my post on modesty but it turns out I have more to say on this topic. (lol no surprise to some) And I was thrilled with more comments to add to the learning-through-conversation.
This is something I learned from someone wiser than me.
When I was in bible school one teacher told me this about discipleship. She said "lead them to Jesus and let his holy spirit do his work."
She had been mentoring a young woman new to the faith, generally when this young woman came to the meeting she was dressed in what most of us would call immodest dress. The mentor did not point out that her clothing was not appropriate for a woman following Jesus, she just led her through scripture. She led the young women to learn the meaning of truth and beauty and did not just give her a "new law" to follow. Eventually this woman saw from the scripture they were studying that she needed to change the way she dressed.
This my friends is what I want to wrap up on. Learn about truth and beauty, learn it from Jesus and lead others to Jesus but don't tell them what to do, don't just lay down a new set of rules to follow. Lets encourage one another to follow Jesus very closely and open ourselves up to be taught by truth.
This song is very applicable here, at first it seemed confusing to me but I have come to love it for it's rich meaning. Be aware it is sarcastic.
New Law
by Derek Webb
Here are the lyrics or even better if you watch the youtube video
don’t teach me about politics and government
just tell me who to vote for
don’t teach me about truth and beauty
just label my music

don’t teach me how to live like a free man
just give me a new law

i don’t wanna know if the answers aren’t easy
so just bring it down from the mountain to me

i want a new law
i want a new law
gimme that new law

don’t teach me about moderation and liberty
i prefer a shot of grape juice

don’t teach me about loving my enemies

don’t teach me how to listen to the Spirit
just give me a new law

What’s the use in trading a law you can never keep
for one you can that cannot get you anything
do not be afraid
do not be afraid
do not be afraid


The artwork - I do not know the artists name but I chose this piece because of it's gray qualities and small bits of black and white - A little like the modesty conversation.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Modesty

Modesty. What is it?
The dictionary says it is keeping within measure, propriety in dress.
Here are some comments posted after my previous blog post, all your comments were very much appreciated

"As a women of God I think we should dress modestly. And what I mean by that is, is breasts, butt crack, and belly should not be showing."
"Cleavage is okay, just no nipples."
"I can't imagine that they(women of bible times)would have been showing a lot of skin."
"I would say cover up - no breast showing, or cleavage, or short shorts etc."
"I think the body is a beautiful thing and should not be "ashamed" of it."
"We live in a sexually charged culture."
"Culture determines the answer(to what modesty is)."
"We oppose oppression and lust(strict dress codes and promiscuous) as Christians."
"We also need to teach our own children how to dress modestly at a young age. If we allow skimpy tops/clothing when they are young it will be acceptable when they develop and mature."
"We can dress modestly and still be fashionable."

Interesting that everyone commented that a woman should dress modestly, yet with differing opinions as to what that means. Your comments were full of food for thought, advice and challenges. I enjoyed the comments and conversations. So we all agree on modesty but the big question remains, what? What does that mean? What does modesty look like? Can we come to a conclusion as to how long a skirt? How thin a fabric? How thick of a strap? How tight a fit? How low of neck line is appropriate? The lines and measuring could go on and on. I just don't think we can answer these questions for everyone, at least not specific answers maybe that is one reason why it's so hard to talk about this topic, it can't come to a solid conclusion. I think the one conclusion that can be drawn is that it is important to be aware of how we dress and thinking and talking and listening can lead us to be wiser. I believe that each person has to decide, with God's help, what modest means to them. And this doesn't mean we can't challenge one another, for me personally just by writing this and talking about it with people I've been challenged and grown in my understanding of how I should dress. And that means it is as my wise husband said "conversation and prayer" are key.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

How should a woman dress?

"I don't know if I want to talk about this?"
"who's really entitled to talk about this stuff?"
"Should it really be an open discussion?"
"Isn't it each to their own?"
Me too, Us, yes and I don't know but I do know this ...

When I was a child my mom canned peaches every summer and she always put perfect halves into each jar, if a peach wasn't co-operating and it wouldn't halve nicely it went into the jam pot, she had high standards. In August I was at my parents for a fabulously relaxing holiday, since they live in the Okanagan I had to do it.... I got myself some peaches and I started canning. My mom was helping me and we cut those peaches any which way, small pieces, big pieces and odd shaped pieces, it didn't matter much. We started talking about the old days when it mattered what shape went into the jars and I joked with my mom that she'd lowered her standards. She said "well I guess I've gotten less picky as I've gotten older." We both agreed that there's nothing wrong with odd shaped peaches, we really don't care what their shape is because we know -they taste the same either way - really good. But the conversation continues on a different level. My mom taught me to halve the peaches, well it doesn't really matter to me so I teach my daughters that any shape is good, and in 20 years they will teach their daughters -just stuff it in the jar don't even bother with the stone. Ok so I don't really know what they'll teach their daughters and really it's just peaches but I hope you see the link to how we dress. How can us fashionable women keep from slipping down the worldly slope? We slowly, not so noticeably lower our standards and all becomes acceptable, everything if changed slow enough becomes normal. As Christians and Jesus followers what do we do? Where do we draw lines for ourselves so that we do not continue towards nothing, that is if it matters at all, maybe naked is ok? Are there really lines that can be drawn? I am not a line drawer so that'll be hard for me. What about church and the beach and at work and at the pool and running errands, do the lines move? How should a woman dress in light of living holy?

This topic needs discussion so please comment, if not just think about this question for yourself and your children and society as a whole.

Men you're also welcome to post your 2 cents. Because this topic can also affect you. What kind of standards do you think women should have?

photo by Dagobert

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Keep in Jesus

Jesus' words have a special place for us. They have a directness, like a spot light shines on them. For 50 days I am going to follow this Christian community blog in their study of the sermon on the mount. Maybe you need something to direct you back to studying Jesus' words again, or maybe you just want to fit this into what you already do with God. I will see how it goes.
Ikon Community

Either way, keep in the words of Jesus, because if you/me don't you lose your way and not even know it.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Back from Holidays

So I was on holidays for the past month, we went to BC, it was so relaxing and rejuvenating. Mountains, oceans, beaches, valleys, zoos, cities, fireworks, family, friends, rivers, lakes, creeks, sailing, sliding, hiking, dancing, driving, concerts, camping, canning, fleas, bees, animals and trees. Whew, what a trip.

While on holidays I had a few questions come to my brain. I would like to explore these two questions/topics more in the next while but for now I will throw them out there and you can respond to them as you like with your thoughts or just ponder them on your own.

What kind of openness, vulnerability or transparency is appropriate or acceptable on a blog?
or Maybe a similar question you might ask for yourself if you don't have a blog is in regards to how open, vulnerable or transparent should you be with others?

The second question has pretty much nothing to do with the first.

.... Now, how to word this one...... it is in regards to women and clothing and how we dress and what is appropriate and what is not. How should a women dress in light of living holy? Does summer make a difference?

Those are the two questions swimming in my head these days.

As you can see, though I was on holidays my brain has not taken a break from pondering.
Oh and I have been doing an awful job at keeping a daily connection with God so far this summer. The whole thing about learning to be, to waste time with God, has pretty near bombed. I would feel more awful about it, but I don't thankfully because the glorious thing is each day is a new day and I am forgiven and today is a new day. Thank you Jesus! Today I did it.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Do I mean it?

"Why do we sing songs we don't mean?" My 10 year old daughter has been listening too closely to the worship songs, .... During worshiping in song I've encouraged her to read the words and sing along and she has done this and become a beauty to watch and join with in worship but now what? She has noticed a problem, a discrepancy. .... we sing "I surrender all" but yet we don't really surrender all. .. give my everything ... with all my heart ...sing of your love forever ... we sing it but do we mean it? She asks because she sees within herself the age old battle between God and self. She is wise beyond her years to proclaim such insight into the human heart. I've often pondered on this myself and maybe you have too. Pondered, reflected, confessed and then asked the one we praise for the power to over come our failures.
Ariel's question should be our question for this week, bring it with you into this weeks worship service.
When you're singing to Jesus this week, ask yourself "Do I mean it?"

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Thoughts from the weekend

This weekend we had a very good speaker David MacFarlane at our EMMC Conference Gathering. He challenged and inspired. I am trying to find a way to capture what was said briefly .... I don't know for sure what to say because he said so much. Maybe I will do this...

This is what I am thinking and feeling-
- I love to talk with other Christians about faith and mission and Jesus
- I love to pray with people and I need to listen to the Holy Spirit more, it's so rewarding when I do.
- I want to plan community outreach, anyone want to brainstorm ideas?
- I want to share Jesus with people, up to this point I've really sucked at it.
- I want to move to Quebec and start a missional community and ...
- I want you to join us, could we really send a team out within the next 5 years?
- I can't wait till 2 years from now when we all meet again
- I saw the beauty in the gathering of Christ followers
- I am glad for a rest, it was a full weekend

Thursday, July 02, 2009

I'm a human being

Hold still ........stop what you are doing and hold completely still ....... just humor me and try it ............ keep breathing ............stay like that for minute ........... what do you feel? what do you notice?

I tried this recently, it was very interesting, I became keenly aware of my physical presence right were I was..... my mind and body were in the same place for a change.

This awareness of my physical presence along with reading and listening to a few interesting teachers, Henry Nouwen, Ben Klassen and Brennan Manning, have me on a summer plan.

To be a Human "being" ....32 years old and I have figured out, I am a human being. laugh if you like because this is funny but let me explain.

I almost always have to have something to do and I don't sit still for long, I have been acting like a human "doing". In Devotion time I have to read this, read that, pray for a list.... do it.

God is teaching me, I am his beloved and that is who I am. The beloved of God is my identity, in just being I am loved, that is my value, that is all. period. Eternally from the beginning and eternally in the future God loves me(and you)and the short stint we call life we get to learn to love God back but the whole time our value is based in our being not our doing.

The last post I wrote about "wasting" time(which is really the most valuable time) with my family, this is also what I am doing with God(or trying to do) just to be with God, not try to accomplish my list of devotional tasks but just to exist with him in the present moment. Giving God the pleasure of his true value on me being recognized and for me the pleasure of knowing it. I don't need to do anything to be valued, I just am, and learning to bask in that. (Amazing, an unbelievable truth)

I looked back at a question I asked you in May, in Make a Plan?
What do you do?
What will you do this summer to intentionally connect with God?

Nothing really wrong with the question but from what I've been learning since then I want to change my question, "How will you be this summer in order to connect with God?"

So my summer goal has turned quit different than I expected, from doing to being, Goal - to "waste" time.

Note - This "being with God" does not mean that the other structured things of a "devotional" time need be ignored. It is a balance.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Today

Our day began early today, we were in the van on our way at 4:29am to see our friend Del off at the airport. There really isn't a lot happening at 4:30 in the morning on a Saturday just in case you ever wondered. With the purpose of the morning complete we were well into the day -6:00am; --you, dreaming of free clothing, caterpillars and blueberry milk, --us, filing into The Original Pancake House for some breakfast and caffeine. It's amazing how one can be so hungry at that hour when not fully awake. I self severed myself some coffee and ... hello world, I was awake. Caffeine changes everything ... and so does food! After breakfast we "wasted" the rest of the morning together. It was awesome. We found a park to watch the ducks and geese and Minos in the pond. Then to the playground, we were so early that we were the only ones there, so we played ... play structure tag, a combination between Robin hood and Sky High superhero imagination play(I love my family) and races ... it was all fun and games until I twisted my ankle. But that didn't really stop the fun because next we were off to the mall, still arriving before it opened. Ben might say this is were the fun ended but tough for him he has 4 of us femaloids, and a little shopping never killed a man(that is not a fact, just an opinion). After some successful shopping(Ben with only slight burning in his eyes) we arrived home at 1:45pm. Still time to lounge at the pool which made my ankle feel a lot better. Summer is so good!
I want you to take note of the "wasting time" ... I will post more about this soon. It's something I'm learning to do, which is ironic to say because I am trying to "be" more instead of "do".
Oh ya and I love 29 degrees. It's hot today.

Photo found at http://www.pdphoto.org/index.php

Thursday, June 11, 2009

It's a Present

It was spring but it was summer I wanted; the warm days and the great outdoors.
It was summer but it was fall I wanted; the colourful leaves and the cool air.
It was fall and it was winter I wanted; the beautiful snow and the joy of the holiday season.
It was winter but it was the spring I wanted; the warmth and the blossoming of nature.
I was a child but it was adulthood I wanted; to the freedom and respect.
I was twenty but it was thirty I wanted, to be mature and sophisticated.
I was middle-aged and it was twenty I wanted to be; he youth and free spirit.
I was retired and it was middle age I wanted; the presence of mind without limitation.
My life was over but I never got what I wanted.

Author unknown


I read this in a book a few years ago and it has reminds me to live more in the present.

We are all so good at complaining and seeing the grass greener somewhere else.

I've been complaining about this cool spring. What have you been complaining about?

Let's live in the present, whatever your present is, love it for it's good qualities. The next season or stage of life will come when it comes.

Monday, June 01, 2009

I've been Labeled

Yap, can you believe it I've been labeled ... wanna know what it is? ..... of course you do, that's why you're reading this ...
I'm not sure I should tell you .... maybe I should make you write your guess....anyone wanna guess? .... but then again you've all been so quiet lately, you probably wouldn't say anything anyway...... What if I ask for it, and then find it wasn't what I wanted to hear? ..... maybe I should just tell you.


I wore purple, "but you're not old", I was told - I'm bold.

My opinion you should behold - "You're bold"

"Look her mamma wore that in the 70's, it's old" - "She's bold"

"What's the matter with you, you don't fit the mold" - "You're bold"

For Jesus I would rather die than fold - I'm bold


"You can't talk to him that way", they scold - I'm bold

Change the world or this injustic will make me explode - Let's be bold

I just can't stand for more religious mold, iiikkk - I'm bold

About my adulterous sin I told - I'm bold

Don't talk about me unless grace you unfold - I'm bold

My hands I will raise because to God I am sold - I'm bold

To Abba all glory, for my freedom is the reason I was told - "You're bold"



It's true I can be bold at times but you know sometimes I wish I was even more bold, bold to share the gospel or to pray with you the moment the spirit nudges, or to take a risk in ministry, to break new ground, or to be bold and confident in my words and questions and then other times boldness is not needed, because it's just time to be quiet (aka: shut-up), go home and drink a lemonade.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

What I miss about Martha

Being that we live 2000 km from my mom, Martha Theissen often was the local mother presence I needed and grandma to my girls. At her funeral I learned I wasn't the only one that felt that way. Martha was amazing and I took her for granted.

Here is what I loved about Martha.

- She started the little blessings nursery when my 2 year old twins needed a place to be during the church service
- She encouraged me to think of healthy snacks for my kids
- She always seemed to find the best items and deals at MCC
- She came with me to BC on a road trip so that I wouldn't have to do it alone
- She often brought gifts for the girls, even when it wasn't a special occasion
- She started the prayer meeting we have on Tuesdays
- She let my children have play dates and sleep overs at her house
- She was a good companion
- She was a good listener
- She made good soup
- She took the girls for walks around her pond and was especially concerned about their safety
- She was so patient with my girls
- She took time to read with my girls
- Her love for her Abba was very evident

Miss you Martha!

If you knew her too feel free to add to the list.

Monday, May 25, 2009

The End .... for Now

When I asked Peter to write for my blog I don't think I knew what I was asking. But I asked him and he said yes and I was pleased. I think I was asking bigger things of him than I knew or he has admitted to.
Peter said in his intro that if you wanted to know why I asked him to do this you'd have to ask me, well since no one asked me I'm going to have to just tell you myself. I picked Peter because he was open with his life and I knew some of his story, I knew that Carol had died of cancer and left this earth way too young (in our earthly thinking) which was the way it was with my friend Martha Thiessen this past February, a few weeks with cancer and then she was gone, to soon it seems. I saw Peter had something to offer us in sharing with us his experience. I know that there was a link in my mind in asking Peter to share with us his journey in Carol's death and trying to understand, in the small ways we can, what Jake has lost in his wifes' death. It was for all of us to have a window into how God works in these times. I also asked Peter because I wanted us to know better how to walk with people who experience this, and to be challenged by his life lessons. After reading your sorry Peter I feel humbled that you said yes, I see that it wasn't always easy for you to do it. Thanks and for me I see that these goals and more were reached in your telling of your journey with and without Carol.

next time i'll tell more about Martha but for now .....

the final, but maybe not so final, (we might have you write again ;)) telling of Peter's journey ... now without Carol
Well, if you have been following along we have reached the end of my story. I thought I would leave you with some thoughts now that Carol has been in heaven for 702 days.



Lots of people have said to me: I can’t imagine living without ________. Indeed. Don’t bother. You can’t imagine the unimaginable. Turns out that God has made us remarkably resilient and we are able to get through unimaginable circumstances. Some (most?) people do this without God’s direct help – imagine that!

I don’t much like endings. I think I never really have but now they are NO FUN. After every event – either with friends or just by myself – the ending is the same. When the bedroom door closes – it’s just me – not the way I imagined.


My true Father – Abba – has revealed himself in remarkable ways. One example - It was a week or so after the funeral. I was home by myself. I was staring at the wind chime friends gave us after Carol’s Dad died. I had this thought – I would like a wind chime to remember Carol. Two days or so later a package arrived in the mail from my niece (all the way from Georgia) – it was a wind chime! I hung it on the corner of the house. I am amazed at how many times when I come home and it seems calm that I walk into the house and – I hear it. Amazing!

I continue to have remarkable experiences – things that most likely would never have happened to me if Carol were alive. People I hang out with – of all ages. Things I get to do (like write this blog). People who share with me deep life hurts and experiences. Friendships that have deepened incredibly. I have been able to explain the true Father to people in a way that God seems to be using.

For some reason I have almost completely stopped watching TV. I never really decided to – it just seems to have turned out that way. I spend lots of time reading – It seems I am mostly reading to learn more about my true Father. I have (finally) figured out a way of spending time in the word and learning from it.




Carols’ Grandma lived with her in her later years. She lived to be 100. I remember that often she used to say – oh, I miss my Johan so much. I remember thinking – lady, he has been gone for over 25 years – get over it already. I have a GREAT deal more sympathy for her view now. I think that I have a hole in my heart that will never be healed. I also think that my true Father is growing a bigger heart in me though.

Erik asked me recently if I felt ripped off. My answer is No, I don’t. I have not been angry with God or spent that much time agonizing over the unanswerable – why? Turns out that I agreed to this ending. If you are a follower of Jesus and married you did too. Some where I still have the hand printed copy of the vows that I said when we got married. Till death part us. You say that so easily – hurry up we have a honeymoon and life to get too. One day God comes calling – I want you to keep your promise. It is very shocking but this is the normal way God planned marriages to end. Sad, hurt, lonely? Yes. Ripped off – No.

Do I want to get married again? I knew you would ask. Hard question for me to answer. No, I don’t want to be (can’t imagine) alone for the rest of my days. I deeply desire and will need my true Father to guide me. More than getting married again I want to follow him. In EVERY circumstance.


Some advice:



I am convinced – your best moment is RIGHT NOW. Now is the time to say “I love you”, “I am sorry”, “Let me do that”, “Father forgive me”, “Wow, look at ____”. NOW is the time to act, to believe, to laugh, to enjoy, to change. We all get NOW. Tomorrow? That is uncertain.


Looking back now, I see that I seemed to face this life circumstance head on and in the open. Let me be VERY clear, losing Carol has been by FAR the hardest, darkest, most difficult part of my life’s journey – I hope to NEVER go through something like this again, BUT – I trust my Abba. I believe that God calls us to live in the open – the bad, the good and the ugly. We hide WAY too much stuff.
Finally this:
We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
 But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
Thanks for hanging in there with me. If you are ever in the Langley, BC area - look me up - I would love to have coffee with you. You can reach me by e-mail at: peterawolfe@gmail.com<. Drop me a note.
In the Father’s love
Peter

Monday, May 18, 2009

"God’s Plan – not mine" by Peter

If you have missed the other entries by Peter I recommend going back to read them before you read this one.
- 4 How do you live when time is short
- 3 life is good in a new direction
- 2 Part 2
- 1 Peter Begins

This is a hard one .... Peter said this was a hard one to write, thanks for your openness.

Father’s day weekend was a very special weekend. Friday night we spent with friends. Saturday was Kelly’s last shower and lots of family showed up for it. We also had a care group gathering that we attended on Saturday night.

The weekend before was special as well as we traveled to Calgary for a family wedding and spent time with my sisters.

Sunday morning was very special. Wes, our Pastor had asked if it was OK if the church prayed for us during the morning service. He asked us up to the front and a whole host of friends and people from the church joined us. I particularly remember the prayer of a friend – Ev - who was also wrestling with cancer - who prayed out loud Ps 40:1-3. Wes anointed her with oil and prayed that God’s light would guide her and I.

As we talked about this prayer time in the afternoon Carol so desired that God would heal her.

Carol had planned and prepared a simple meal that she cooked for all us. After supper we all went down stairs and looked at slides of old times – you know all those good family pictures that bring such great memories.

It was after the kids had all left that God answered. We were getting ready for bed when Carol grabbed her head and said oh, oh, it hurts so bad. I helped her into bed to rest; soon she had to vomit from the pain. The night was a blur. I remember being on edge but Carol seemed to be in her normal sleeping patterns.

It was in the morning that I could not wake her up. I called my friend Elaine and 911. The first responder arrived in minutes – he walked from up the street. Soon all the medics were present and took her to emergency.

Once we arrived they said she needed a CT scan (funny how you can have one in minutes when normally it takes months). The ER doc told me the bad news. She had a massive brain hemorrhage and there was no brain activity. Just her lower brain was keeping her breathing. [Turns out that another place OM likes to move to is the brain. She never had a brain scan – something she mentioned more than once. There must have been a tumor that burst.]

Now I had to do the hardest thing in my life yet – I had to call Rachel, Erik and Kelly and tell that the time had come – way sooner than we expected – it was time to say goodbye to their Mom.

Carol was built like her Grandmother who lived to be 100 and her mother – she just turned 95 – her body was strong and not ready to yield to the call of eternity just yet. They moved her into a private room and said we needed to wait – strong bodies can live like this for awhile.

Looking back, the next 5 days were truly holy days. I now recognize that during those days the veil between heaven and earth was thin. We had so many visitors come by and sit by her bed. People who cared for her and for us. We had great times visiting and sharing. The girls actually finished assembling the wedding programs.

Family came and said good-bye; people brought us food; truly a special time. Her brother was out of town and expressed to his wife that he would really like to see Carol one more time. They landed on Friday night and decided on the drive to not go home but straight to the hospital. Rudy walked into the room and said “hi Carol, I’m here.” Ten minutes later she entered heaven and the veil closed.

We buried her in the cemetery in our home town. A very quiet place where you can see the two mountains that dominated our view growing up. That is where her body lies– waiting. Her soul? Her soul is soaring in the heights of heaven.

Carol loved to sing and I am sure she is part of that great chorus singing …

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come."

See you next time.