Peter Part 2

Here is the next entry from Peter ( Need some back round? Read the Intro and Peter Begins)

A Changed Life

Twenty years actually goes by pretty fast. Those first twenty years of married life were about getting to know each other, starting and raising our family, getting tied up (or is it down?) with stuff like a mortgage, working like crazy, doing church stuff; Carol taught Sunday school, sang in the choir, we managed to become deacons, led a care group. Like I said last time, lots of time and energy doing things for the Father; not much time being with the Father.

Mark Buchanan in his book Your God is too Safe calls this living in the borderlands. Not really fully with the Father and not against him either (well at least not obviously). I think most of us fall into this place way too easily; it is such a comfortable place to be.

Change happened slowly and largely un-noticed (at least by me). You can see it on the chart from my previous entry. Something happened that has changed me forever. A couple of things actually. The first occurred when I took a position as our church leader (NO, not a pastor!). One of the Pastors asked how she could pray for me. I also started attending Saturday morning prayer times. Turns out this changed my life – somewhere along the way I fell in love with my Abba, my true Father.
Now that I think back on it – quite amazingly – Carol was going through the same experience. What a gift to a married couple to both be moving toward the Father – together!

Speaking of gifts, I now realize that we both received one. I was given the gift of being able to strongly relate to my Abba through worship. I get such strong messages from him by worshiping him – mostly through music but not always. I remember when it happened. We were having Thursday evening services during the summer (and we got the weekends free!) We had a visiting band playing. I remember the leader just inviting us to enter the Holy of Holies and worship. Something flung open in my heart and ever since – well if you see me, my eyes are closed and tears are flowing – don't be alarmed – just me and my Abba having a conversation.

I discovered after we got married that when Carol thought of her father she became anxious and was really unsure of her relationship with him. He had the power in her life to reduce her to tears by saying just a few words. Slowly, over the course of years together, we learned how to disconnect her father’s words from having that power in her life. She became able to see past the rough edges of her father’s personality and look deeper and see the love that was there all along.

After her Father died, Carol received her gift while we were visiting a church. A woman started describing the incredible love of the Father for his children. The true Father opened Carol’s heart and the incredible, hard to fully grasp, too good to be true but isn’t, the love of the true Father for her; just for her; poured into her. In the years that followed this love sustained her; drew her ever closer to her true Father and spilled out of her.
In her own words she described her life’s journey:

“I began a relationship that at times was close, many times distant and often confusing. I experienced many things that at times made me wonder how much I really wanted this relationship. I came to realize how much God actually loved me as I am. This realization gave me a joy and purpose in my life. My relationship with the God of creation is worth living for.”

One more thing happened. In July of 2000, Carol phoned me at work after a visit to her optometrist and said: there is a lump in my left eye. One week later we were in the office of an ocular oncologist who said: You have a malignant tumor about the size of the tip of my little finger in the lining in the back of your eye. A very rare form of skin cancer. Skin cancer – in your eye – who knew?!

There are a number of treatments; if your tumor is small enough they use radiation. Hers was, so one day she checked in the hospital for treatment. They took her eyeball out, sewed a radioactive disc to the back of eyeball – carefully aligned so it would radiate the tumor, put her eyeball back in and 24 hours later we came home. She lay on the couch for a week while the radiation did its thing, then back to the hospital to do the reverse. Simple, eh?

The radiation did its intended job of killing the tumor slowly – we went back every six months or so for a checkup – always a bit anxious – the news was always good, tumor dying, not much leakage. The radiation also had the side effect of largely killing her vision in her eye – she eventually was reduced to seeing around the edges and then mostly in black and white.

Life carried on and you know what, it got better. Let me tell you – being married to your beloved, your soul mate, it actually gets better.
This is a picture of our family on Erik’s wedding day – our 25th wedding anniversary year. No, you are not mistaken, a VERY good looking family – and this before digital cameras!

A couple of thoughts to leave you with:

1. When God comes calling, let him have his way. Borderland is not any way to live your whole life.
2. I never could have imagined back in July 1979 the depth and width and breadth that would make up being married to my beloved. Stay the course, IT GETS BETTER PEOPLE!
3. I believe in hope that every marriage can be rescued. That the Father can and will restore love even when it is lost.

See you next time.