What AM I doing?

I was telling a friend the other day how I have a certain time of year when I reevaluate my goals and purpose in life. Ask the "why?" questions. I don't really choose it it seems to choose me. I ask it of myself but it feels like something outside of me is asking me. "What ARE you doing HERE? Why did you move away from family to be in this place? Why do you stay?" maybe it's God asking? I've written about this before. And here I am 2 years later and I am at the ..."What ARE you doing HERE? Why did you move away from family to be in this place? Why do you stay?"
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I know somethings it's not, it's not to live the "good life", have a "good" day and survive Manitoba, yet that is what most of my days appear to be about. About surviving.. at least it seems this past winter was (Ok and I'm talking about the overall focus not the obviously necessary daily routine. and yes I do want to have a good day but I hope you get my point that it isn't, or shouldn't be, focused on ME)
Really I appreciate this "question time" because for as long as I can remember mediocrity has a bad taste to me, I'd rather be weird and foolish to this world than mediocre ... and yet I don't seem to get it because I slip into a groove and what I don't want to do I do ... yap we've heard this before, Paul wrote it in his letter to the Romans "I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway."
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So what now?
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I guess I ask Abba to show me,... to inspire me,.. to encourage me, to teach me, to refocus me, to reduce me, to increase Him, so I can serve Him, know Him, love Him, bless Him, be focused on Him.

Do you question too? Do you live to survive? Do you ask why?

(More from Peter in a few days)