The dictionary says it is keeping within measure, propriety in dress.
Here are some comments posted after my previous blog post, all your comments were very much appreciated
"As a women of God I think we should dress modestly. And what I mean by that is, is breasts, butt crack, and belly should not be showing."
"Cleavage is okay, just no nipples."
"I can't imagine that they(women of bible times)would have been showing a lot of skin."
"I would say cover up - no breast showing, or cleavage, or short shorts etc."
"I think the body is a beautiful thing and should not be "ashamed" of it."
"We live in a sexually charged culture."
"Culture determines the answer(to what modesty is)."
"We oppose oppression and lust(strict dress codes and promiscuous) as Christians."
"We also need to teach our own children how to dress modestly at a young age. If we allow skimpy tops/clothing when they are young it will be acceptable when they develop and mature."
"We can dress modestly and still be fashionable."
Interesting that everyone commented that a woman should dress modestly, yet with differing opinions as to what that means. Your comments were full of food for thought, advice and challenges. I enjoyed the comments and conversations. So we all agree on modesty but the big question remains, what? What does that mean? What does modesty look like? Can we come to a conclusion as to how long a skirt? How thin a fabric? How thick of a strap? How tight a fit? How low of neck line is appropriate? The lines and measuring could go on and on. I just don't think we can answer these questions for everyone, at least not specific answers maybe that is one reason why it's so hard to talk about this topic, it can't come to a solid conclusion. I think the one conclusion that can be drawn is that it is important to be aware of how we dress and thinking and talking and listening can lead us to be wiser. I believe that each person has to decide, with God's help, what modest means to them. And this doesn't mean we can't challenge one another, for me personally just by writing this and talking about it with people I've been challenged and grown in my understanding of how I should dress. And that means it is as my wise husband said "conversation and prayer" are key.
7 comments:
I think one issue that has always struck me is the swimming issue.
How is a women to dress when going to the beach?
Yes I agree this is a question I wonder as well. As was said before ones culture determines what is acceptable(to a point) and it is very acceptable in our culture to wear a lot less clothing at a pool or lake. For example Ben mentioned to me in one conversation about this, when we were teens bikinis were a rare thing to see but now-a-days it is a common choice. He said it was very uncomfortable to see girls dressed that way back then but now as it is so common it does not affect him the same. Maybe this is a case of desensitization or maybe water side modesty has changed.
It always kinda makes me wonder if we'll keep going in the naked direction. Though, I heard good news about the bathing suit thing, the vintage look is back, google vintage bathing suits, they are very cute and "modest" to boot. LOL I did that on the weekend and I ended up making myself a vintage inspired bathing suit top. It turned out quit nice if I might say so myself.
I was intrigued about the topic and some of the responses. So I'd like to throw in my two cents' worth as well!
I have been doing the "Secret Keeper Girl" dates with my girls, and it's all about beauty and modesty. The author is Dannah Gresh, and Rebecca St James also is involved by offering some "beauty tips", which always have far more to do with inner beauty than outwardly. However, she really stresses modesty, yet does so with an eye for fashion. They are very specific with what is acceptable, and on one of the dates, which is to a vintage clothing store, we do "Truth or Bare" fashion, and discuss all the types of styles and what is appropriate (or not). The next date was a shopping trip with a few of her friends, and we are "The Bod Squad" and participate in some fashion tests, such as "Raise & praise" (If you raise your arms to praise the Lord, does your belly show?) or "Over and out" (If you lean over, are you showing any cleavage?, or future cleavage in the case of the girls).
Probably the most important lesson was about "The Power of Beauty" when we learn that as females we have the ability to "intoxicate" men by their uncontrolled response to us, because they are visually triggered. And we learned that we should only want to intoxicate one man, our husband, so dressing modestly is hugely important. Rebecca St James describes her fellow band members as really appreciating a modestly dressed woman, and finding that way more appealing than a woman who bares almost everything. So, for the sake of her brothers in Christ, she is careful to dress modestly, so will not be responsible for them lusting after her due to wearing revealing clothing. (She says it better than I can).
I agree with everything that is taught in these lessons. I wonder sometimes how I'm doing as a role model for my girls, am I modest enough? Or I may consider myself modest enough, but what about the next person, would they agree? Should we put ourselves in accountability with others? Make an agreement to be honest with others, and willing to hear criticism of the way we dress? So many questions!
Having good fashion sense and knowing what is appropriate may be two separate things. Certainly once you've established how you should dress in light of the Bible and morality, then fashion sense can play a big part in how you work that out, but initially I think that standards have to be set before you can even take a look at fashion. Fashion changes, but your code shouldn't change if you're following biblical principles and personal responsibility (to yourself and others).
So in light of that, here are the general standards that I believe are in line with what God expects of me as a Christian woman:
1. In terms of public dress - I may dress in such a way that is flattering to my personality and personal style only insofar as that I do not cause someone else to stumble. Recently I read a book called "For Girls Only" and it describes the reactions teenage boys have to girls and what they see when they see a girl and how what they wear affects what they picture in their mind. Most men have more control over their thoughts by the time they're past teenage years, but what women wear can affect a man's thoughts as well, and we need to be sure that we take that into consideration when we choose what we wear. With regard to church specifically, we'd do well to remember that people are there to focus on God, and we should do what we can to not distract from that with our clothing. With these thoughts in mind, I think that it's important that we wear our underwear under our clothes and is not visible. Spaghetti strap tops are not appropriate in my mind for public wear, particularly at church (unless you have a jacket or sweater over them, and as long as they're not too low).
2. Consider the local school dress codes for teens and note that short shorts are not allowed, and there are other restrictions. If a teen is not allowed to wear tops with midriff showing, not allowed to wear spaghetti straps, and can't wear short shorts to school, then probably they're not a great idea for adult women either.
3. Am I an example to my children? We have talked about what is permissible at home and what is Ok for public as well, and I ask her to tell me what she thinks.
4. Will my husband be proud of how I look? Check with your man - many times men have a very good sense of what is good and what isn't good. Ask them and don't argue with them when they tell you what you think. But disregard their input and they might not give it again.
5. At home - you may choose to wear things at home that you wouldn't wear in public. That's Ok as long as you make that decision with your husband, or at least not outside him. Remember that you are no longer just your own - you are one with your husband and need to include him in these decisions and make decisions based on what is good for you collectively.
6. If you trust your mom and she's a godly woman - ask her opinion. I bought a dress 2 year or so ago that is a halter style cocktail dress with a mid-calf length handkerchief skirt. It's beautiful, but I made sure that my mom thought it wasn't too revealing or inappropriate for me, and I don't just wear it anywhere, it's not suitable for just anywhere, and I wouldn't wear it to church on Sunday morning, but I'd wear it to a special event or a country club wedding, or a formal night.
7. Best Friend - My best friend and I shop together periodically - when we see something that is not flattering or we know that it doesn't fit your style then we are honest with each other, and we sometimes put things back based on that, and are better for it the next day.
8. If in doubt, don't have a "well I'm going to do it anyway" moment. Rebellion is a sin, even if it's against your own code. Keep it simple and if you know you shouldn't, then don't.
Dana
These are good thought and comments. I like the sounds of agreeing to be honest with one another.
Good advice to women and guys(no underwear showing for them either, but that's for an entirely different reason- eewwww)
Dana # 4 - I like to ask Ben about what he thinks of me too, I think he's a good gauge.
There is a brand that deals with modest swimwear :)
http://www.gulfnews.com/Business/Industry/10345033.html
Would really appreciate if you let me know the brands you shop from for modest clothing at Twtpoll:
Have you heard of 'MODESTY' Clothing? If yes, name a brand that reminds you of this niche. http://twtpoll.com/wb581r #twtpoll
Just want to throw something in from a guys perspective.
I want to thank all of you women for being concerned about us men. Being willing to wrestle with this issue of modesty is a wonderful testimony about how you are willing to love the men in your life.
I do want to make one thing clear though. Lust is a sin. And sin is a choice we make that we cannot blame someone else for. If a man lusts after a woman, he sins and is 100% at fault. Standing before God he cannot say "she was dressed..."
It is good that you are discussing how to make it easier for men to control their thoughts - men are weak in this area. However we men are responsible for our thoughts - women are not.
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